“You could always try adoption,” Beouf offered. Tarnia and I shared another look. This time it wasn’t wistfully knowing or nostalgic or anything resembling happy. When Amazons talked about adoption, real babies- much less Amazon ones- didn’t often figure into it. As the two shortest people in the room, we were both suddenly very uncomfortable. Yes, even though it was just Beouf. Yes, even though Janet had proved to be fairly sane for an Amazon.
Janet smiled politely with her mouth, but frowned with her eyes. “Maaaaaaaaybe…” she said. “I hadn’t thought about that.” Based on her tone and her careful hemming and hawing, Janet was being polite. It was the type of reply that people gave when they wanted to say no, but didn’t want to offend. Beouf’s entire career hinged around Little adoption. Janet was being polite.
To her credit, Beouf dropped the matter with a shrug. “It’s not for everybody.“ Darn right it wasn’t.
Janet tried to lighten the mood. “I probably wouldn’t tell it right, anyways. You really had to be there.” She half heartedly did jazz fingers. “Cat walks under a ladder. It ran out of gas. Yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk!”
My ears wiggled. “Yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk?” I said. I almost got whiplash from how quickly I snapped my head up. “Fuzzy? Fuzzy Bird? Did you just quote Fuzzy Bird? Muffets?!”
A more genuine smile, and a glint of mischief from Janet. “I did!”
“You like the Muffets?!” I lost a bit of composure. I’d grown up watching reruns of the show and the various movies. It wasn’t a cartoon so it was deemed safe to watch.
Janet’s face opened up even more. She was becoming all eyes and teeth. “Uhhh, YEAH! Who doesn’t?”
Now it was Tarnia and Beouf’s turn to exchange looks, theirs a bit confused. “I have a couple of Muffet stuffies in my classroom for the kids to play with during free time!”
“Stuffets! I know! I saw them the first time I walked in!” Janet was bouncing in her seat. “I’ve got some, too!”
“You do?” I felt myself shaking with something other than rage. “Where?”
Janet looked shocked. Insulted in the way only a true geek can be insulted. I’d just challenged her credentials. “Uh…there!” She motioned to the wall directly behind her; just to the right of the board. There, sitting on a shelf that was bolted to the wall, were Muffets.
Kremit the Turtle, Miss Puggy, Fuzzy Bird. Ralph the Piano Playing Rat. Gongzo the Strange! She even had the mad scientist and his assistant; Nutz and Bolt. Muffets. So many Muffets. “How did I not notice these before?”
“Because you were so busy looking at the clock,” she teased. “Did I tell you guys how nervous he was?”
“Oooooh no! Do not change the subject!” I said. “We’re talking about Muffets! Muffets. Now.” Catherine hated the Muffets. It wasn’t a deal breaker in our relationship, obviously, but I just got razzed everytime I brought it up. I hadn’t had anyone to talk about this show with in years.
“My son used to watch the Muffets all the time when he was growing up,” Beouf said.
Tarnia agreed. “Yeah. It’s a pretty funny kids’ show.”
Like a T.V. lawyer, Janet was standing up to her full height. “It is NOT a kids’ show!” she declared. “It’s a classic international intellectual property that is family friendly and written for all ages. ALL! AGES!” She was going way over the top and overly theatrical. It gave the mini-rant an air of light heartedness.
And yet…I would not want to have contradicted Janet Grange in that moment. Her passion was a joke until it wasn’t. Rather like the Muffets themselves, come to think of it. “It’s seen a surge in sales over the last few decades since home media’s become more readily available,” I said. I was trying to hide my own giddiness while showing off my fan credentials. “But during its initial six season run, The Muffet Show was on primetime television, well past children’s bedtimes.”
“What Gibson said! All ages.” She reached out for a high-five. “Up top, Clark!” I slapped her palm. I couldn’t help it; I was excited. So sue me.
Janet and I then proceeded to embarrass ourselves for the next short eternity with conversation bits that went a little like:
“Remember when Gongzo tried to sing opera while on fire!”
“Or how about the time Fuzzy actually finished a bit-”
“But the theatre was empty?!”
“YAS!”
