Third Gathering: Hairy Guy in a Thong…. Or The Really Ugly, Naked Truth
“It was unreal,” Chris said as he cuddled with Stacy later that night. “They all had hockey masks on and were chanting and making all kinds of noise. They had to cancel the lecture. By the time security arrived, they had all gone.”
“Was anyone hurt? They didn’t throw any bricks, did they?”
“What makes you think it’s the same people?”
She shrugged. “Just a hunch.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked, gently cupping the underside of her chin.
“Yeah,” she answered, kissing and licking his fingers.
“Hello,” Ashley interrupted. “Trying to do homework here.”
“Sorry, Ash,” Stacy apologized. “Of to your room then. You’re probably wetters.”
Chris once again reddened at the mention of his diapers. He could not wait to be rid of this curse and yet, at the same time, a part of him would miss it. He immensely enjoyed the attention she gave him on the occasions when she would change him and she seemed to be having fun with the whole idea of babying him as well. That it could continue after the curse was put to rest, however, did not seem at all likely. He would simply wait it out…. and make the best of it.
The hockey mask demonstration was on the tip of everyone’s tongue the next day. No one could really figure out the whos or the whys of the situation, but everyone seemed to have their guess. One chauvinist sow in the Gender Studies department denounced it as “typical angry white maleism.” Others claimed it was “a frat thing”, “the guys from Empire acting up again”, “a cult” or “just random drunk behaviour .” Chris himself did not know what to make of it. All throughout Daulton’s boring stat class, he tossed ideas around until he was called upon to solve a problem and had to withdraw into reality once more.
“And remember,” Daulton said to his students at the end of the class. He had just given them a groan-inducing homework assignment. “Have a nice weekend.”
Chris began to wonder if the monotonous, bespectacled professor had any life whatsoever and if he enjoyed torturing his students. Did he calculate their odds of familiar? Was there a Venn diagram of the “haves” and the “have-nots” of the class lying somewhere in his house? What was the standard deviation of “why the hell not?”
Stiff-legged, Chris limped back to the dorms, changed, and went for a jog around the campus to loosen up. As he passed the halfway mark, he ran into Chuck jogging in the opposite direction.
“Dude,” he greeted. “You hear about those guys in the hockey masks? Crazy shit.”
“Yeah,” Chris answered. “What’s the deal with them anyway? What the hell is their problem?”
“Maybe they don’t have a problem. Maybe everyone else does. Anyway, I wouldn’t know. But I’ll tell you this: there will probably be more to come.”
Chris found his answer curious. Before he could ask another question, however, Chuck was sprinting away into the horizon. By the time dinner rolled around, he was quite on edge. The speculation regarding the hockey maskers continued to grow by leaps and bounds and summersaults. Meanwhile, today was also the day in which Stacy had promised an explanation. He had been good about not bugging her about it, but she had yet to say anything. Maybe, he feared, she never would.
“Umm…Stacy?” he began as she changed his diaper.
“Yes, babe?”
“I don’t want to keep asking, but you owe me an explanation.”
“I know. I didn’t forget. What time is it?”
“7:30.”
“Eh…we might be a little early.”
“Early for what?”
“Follow me.”
Chris shrugged. He didn’t really have a choice in the matter. If he wanted to find out what was happening, he would have to follow her. He only hoped she would lead him down the right path.
When they reached the edge of the woods, he balked. Memories of his nightmare/encounter came back to him and he pieced together stumbling back to the dorms late that night (just like the proverbial asshole in Matt’s story). Stacy didn’t make things any easier with what she said next.
“I’m going to have to blindfold you,” she told him. “It’s the only way they’ll let you come along.”
“As long as you know where you’re going,” he told her as she tied a cloth over his eyes.
“Yeah….I think I left a trail of breadcrumbs. Of course I know. Come one.”
She led him by the hand through the dark and twisted woods. Just as he was beginning to suspect they were hopelessly lost, he heard approached voices. A couple of paces later, he felt the warmth of a fire. Stacy told him he could sit down and remove his blindfold. Chris did so and looked around in disbelief. The faces he saw were not masked but familiar. Pam was there. So was Chloe. So were half a dozen or so other girls he knew from classes or just from around campus. Were these the ones who attacked him? No, it couldn’t be.
“What’s HE doing here?” one girl asked.
“Remember,” Stacy reminded. “I told you he was coming.”
“Yeah, well….it’s too much of a risk. How can we trust him?”
“He has a right to know,” Chloe declared. They all seemed to defer to her.
“What is this?” Chris asked.
“This,” Chloe explained. “Is the new Women’s Center. Until they get the windows fixed and catch the brick-throwers at least. Until then, it’s not safe. So we have to meet in secret. And what’s more secret than out here?”
“I don’t get it,” Chris said. “You mean someone’s really out to get you?”
“Yuppers,” said Stacy. “It SUCKS.”
“Last week,” Chloe explained. “We were all very scared. I mean, really freaked out by what happened. So we decided to take a lot of precautions. Hence, the masks. We were touched by Dr. Rukeheyser’s lecture, but we weren’t practicing witchcraft or devil worship or anything like that. We were just hanging around and having fun. Then, when we heard you coming, we started acting kinda crazy in hopes that you’d think we WERE witches and would just go away. But you didn’t.”
“But why did you jump me?”
“Because we thought you were Matt,” Stacy explained.
“Why would you want to jump Matt.”
“Because,” Pam explained. “He assaulted me.”
Chris stared at her in disbelief. Everyone around him seemed dead serious.
“I don’t believe this,” he remarked, stealing Ryan’s line. “Matt?!”
“It wasn’t rape,” Pam continued. “And it started off consensual. I was at a mixer and he started hitting on me. I felt flattered. He’s like a god around here. That and I was a little tipsy. Still fully aware, mind you, but my guard was down. So we get around to making out and it’s all good…but then he whips it out. And I tell him that I didn’t want to, but he said that I was just a little nervous. He pushed my head down and….oh God…well…you figure out the rest!”
“Jesus!” Chris exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“He said that no one would believe me,” Pam said pleadingly. “That it was my word against his and that I swallowed it anyway. Besides, he claims I wanted it.”
“She was just about to tell me,” Chloe continued. “When someone threw the bricks.”
“And you think it was him?”
“No,” said Stacy. “That’s the scary thing. We know it wasn’t. He was somewhere else. Don’t you see, Chris: he has people working for him and covering his ass. That’s how powerful he is.”
“So we decided to meet out here and figure out what to do next,” Chloe concluded. “I had a book of spells that I picked up in a pawn shop. For impotence and incontinence. I never really expected them to work. None of us did.”
“Well it did,” he snapped. “I’m really sorry about what happened to you, but look what happened to me. And I didn’t even DO anything!”
He pulled down his pants and showed them his diaper. There were a few isolated giggles and his face predictably reddened.
“It’s OK,” Stacy said, hugging him and pulling his pants back up.
“Now that you’ve cursed me nice and good,” he asked. “Do you think you can find your way to uncursing me?”
“We can’t,” Chloe told him. “The curse can only be undone when justice is served.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” he hollered. “I don’t believe this!”
“You know, Chris, I’m the victim here,” Pam told him. “I thought you were a nice guy. I thought that MAYBE you could help. Stupid thought, huh?”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “Of course I’ll help. What can I do?”
“Matt’s got something to do with that hockey mask business,” Chloe explained. “I just know it. He’s spreading lies about us, trying to turn people against us.”
“This is really bad,” Pam added. “People have been sending me nasty letters. I think somebody’s been following me. And there’s not a damn thing I can do about it because I don’t know who it is and I can’t prove anything and ugh….it’s hell!”
“It’s OK,” Chloe said soothingly as she patted her on the head. “We’ll get him. Won’t we, Chris?”
“Umm…”
“Basically,” Chloe explained. “We want you to go undercover for us. Join the hockey mask cult, find out what they’re up to, try to get some evidence on Matt.”
His eyes widened in alarm. “Are you nuts?” he asked. “If they are as powerful as they say you are, what do you think they’ll do to me if they find out. I mean….I’m not a coward or anything and I DO want to help, but this is crazy. It’s too much. I’m sorry, but no.”
“Hey Stace!” a girl protested. “I thought you said he’d do it.”
Chris’s face went pale. Suddenly, he understood. It was all a ploy to get him to help. The whole thing, from the minute he collapsed due to malnourishment, was a lie. Stacy was just warming him up so he would say yes. Well it wasn’t going to work! Disgusted, he began to walk away.
“Chris?” Stacy asked, walking after him. “Slow down. What is it?”
“Stay away from me,” he grumbled.
“Why? What’d I do?”
“What did you do?” he mimicked. “The whole thing was just a lie, wasn’t it? You were playing me so I’d help! You KNEW I liked you and you…you used me. You bitch!”
“No,” she protested. “That’s not true. I really do like you.”
“How am I supposed to believe that? All of the freakin sudden you want to help me. God, I’m such an idiot!”
“Yes,” she scolded. “You are. And you’re an insecure jerk, too. I love you, OK. I love you now and I loved you before you got cursed. I just didn’t realize it right away. But you were always there for me and you were always taking an interest in what I had to say. Stuff that would bore most guys shitless. And I know I tease you a lot, but you put up with it and I really, really respect you. And I really don’t want to lose you and if you don’t want to do it, fine…but don’t you DARE call me a liar!”
He felt numb with confusion, guilt and shame. She was right. He was an idiot and a jerk. He’d allowed his paranoia to get the better of him. Instead of looking at all the positives, he grasped the first negative that came to mind. It was clear now: she really did care for him. How many other girls would put up with an impotent, diaper-wearing boyfriend?
“This really means that much to you?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“OK. Then I’ll do it.”
“Yay!” she exclaimed. “Hey girls….he’ll do it.”
“YAY!” they all shouted and gave him a round of applause.
“The thing that bothers me,” he told her. “Is that while I’m busy spying on them, how do you know they aren’t spying on us?”
Stacy’s jaw dropped. It was a good question. She didn’t know, did she? She had just assumed to trust everyone in the Coven because they looked trustworthy. But what if they weren’t? The thought made her cringe. She would know, for better or for worse, soon enough.

Connivance, Counterintelligence and Pete’s Words of Wisdom
Chris certainly had his work cut out for him. Based on the incredible findings the girls had relayed to him, all he knew was a.) there was a group of wackos wearing hockey masks that were up to no good and b.) Matt was somehow involved. He had reason to suspect Chuck was connected as well, but it could just be that he was voicing his support. At any rate, he hadn’t a clue where to begin.
It had been a week now since the curse fell upon him, and while Chris was relieved to know its nature and its cause, there was otherwise little solace to be found. The urge to get out of diapers and into Stacy (to put it vulgarly) spurred him on to do some sleuthing. Unfortunately, detective work was not Chris’s forte. About the only investigative experience he had was trying to guess the identity of the killer in any number of crappy teen slasher films. Besides, even if Chuck was a credible place to start, he had no idea how to approach him without blowing his cover.
Chris was in the middle of racking his brain when Pam came a’knocking.
“Hey,” she said. “Thanks again for last night.”
“You’re welcome. About that though…I don’t know where to start. I mean, I can’t just walk up to Matt and tell him I want in. That’d look pretty suspicious.”
“Yeah…you’re right.”
“I think Chuck, from across the hall, might be involved, but I don’t know how to approach him either.”
“Why don’t you ask his roommate?”
Chris chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“Obviously, you don’t know Pete.”
“Pete…. wait……Pete Silbeck?”
“Yup.”
“Ohmygod…. he’s in one of my classes…. he doesn’t say ANYTHING! And he gets A’s.”
“He’s a bit of a mystery,” Chris remarked.
“Anyway,” Pam said. “I just thought I’d stop by and say thanks and ask if you wanted me to do your laundry.”
Chris seemed surprised. “I was only kidding about what I said last week.”
“I know,” she replied. “I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. You’re taking a big risk helping us and we did place a curse on you.”
“That’s true.”
“Besides…it’s not like I need to worry about washing underwear.”
“Get out,” he said, half-jokingly.
Though he had rejected Pam’s suggestion earlier, Chris found himself desperately knocking on Pete’s door. Chuck had gone home for the weekend, but if Pete was around there was the chance he could be of some help. After knocking for a few solid minutes, Chris was ready to give up. Just as he was about to turn away, the door swung open.
“Hey,” he greeted.
Pete was sitting crosslegged on the floor in a meditational stance. He gestured for him to come in and pointed to a chair. Chris sat.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
Pete shrugged.
“Don’t you ever say anything?”
Pete remained silent. Frustrated, Chris rose to leave.
“Of course I say things,” Pete told him, luring him back to his seat. “People usually don’t listen though. So I don’t waste my breath.”
Chris nodded. It made perfect sense. Having Chuck for a roommate, he’d probably be stricken silent too.
“Well,” Chris said. “I’m listening. In fact, I need your advice.”
“Go on.”
“You heard about what happened Thursday night? People in hockey masks.”
“Yes, I heard.”
“Well…I was wondering: did Chuck have anything to do with that?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
Chris bit his lip. “OK….look. I normally wouldn’t ask anyone to backstab their own roommate, but I’m guessing you don’t like Chuck too much.”
“Have I showed you my voodoo doll?”
“Umm…. no.”
Pete reached into a drawer and produced a felt doll modeled after Chuck. Several pins were placed in key locations. It made Chris wonder what else his neighbor might be hiding.
“Unfortunately, it doesn’t work,” Pete explained. “It doesn’t say “dude” either.”
“Heh. Anyway…if Chuck is involved, I was wondering if you knew a way for me to ask him without it looking suspicious. I’m on a mission.”
Pete stroked his chin in contemplation. “Hmm….for a favor of this magnitude, I’m going to require a couple of items.”
“What items?” Chris asked. He didn’t expect there to be a payoff involved.
“A pair of panties from a girl on this floor, worn. A bra, also worn. And, if you can pick me up a package of gummy worms, that’d be sweet.”
Chris stared at him in disbelief. Exactly what the hell was he up to?
“Ummm….”
“These terms are non-negotiable,” Pete explained. “If you want my help, you’ll find a way to get them for me. The first two shouldn’t be a problem, although the bookstore may be out of gummy worms. In that case, I’ll take Swedish Fish. Good luck and hope to see you later.”
Dumbfounded, Chris left the room and the door was slammed shut behind him. He had no idea how he was going to explain this to Stacy. He couldn’t even explain it to himself.
“A bra and panties?” she teased. “Doing a little cross-dressing, are we?”
“It’s not for me,” he replied. “It’s for Pete.”
Her eyes widened. “What the hell does he want with my underwear?”
“I have no idea. But he won’t help unless I give it to him.”
“Ugh…. I’m tempted to tell you to just raid Ashley’s dresser. But, if she found out, she’d kill me.”
“Look,” he said. “You kept on complaining about how stupid those candycane panties were anyway. Well here’s your chance to get rid of them.”
“Yeah…but now I’m starting to like them again.”
He rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to help or not?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then this is the way we have to do it. That and…do you have any Swedish fish?”
After much negotiation, deliberation, haggling, protest and tickling, Stacy finally agreed to relinquish her undergarments on the grounds that Chris not hand them over until he found out what they were being used for. Chris agreed to these terms and went to make the delivery as scheduled.
“Excellent,” said Pete as he popped a few Swedish fish into his mouth.
“I have to ask,” Chris said. “What is all this for?”
“In a minute,” Pete told him. “Now…you want to get to Chuck, right?”
Chris nodded.
“He thinks you’re a pushover. That you’re spineless and you let Stacy boss you around too much and you’re too easily manipulated. If you want my advice, stage a fight with her where you come out on top. Be a real jerk – I know you have it in you. Then, Chuck will respect you, perhaps even confide in you. If that should fail to work…he loves football and waffles. Hang around the dining halls at around 7AM, wait for him to show up, get a plate of waffles and let him leech off of you. Mention Steve Spurrier and he’ll start talking. Then, once he gets started, you can simply change the topic. That ought to do it.”
“Wow,” Chris remarked. “Thanks a lot.”
“No problem,” Pete replied. “As for these….”
He took Stacy’s bra and hung it from the doorknob and left her panties out in plain view. Chris still did not have any idea what he was up to.
“Do you know Jenna Hoffman?” Pete asked him.
Chris shook his head.
“She’s quite lovely. Chuck’s been after her for about two weeks. Later tonight, she will come looking for him. He won’t be here, of course, but I will. She will then notice the female undergarments lying around, at which point I’ll explain that Chuck’s girlfriend left them here. She’ll be devastated, and…I’m sure you get the idea.”
Chris grinned. “You’re a diabolical bastard,” he said. “And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Thanks again.”
“No, thank you. Good luck on your mission.”
“The same to you.”
Stacy was in disbelief when Chris relayed Pete’s message to her.
“Wow…. Pete….who would have known.”
“I sure as hell didn’t.”
“OK, so all we have to do is stage an argument in front of Chuck and you’ll be set. Sounds easy.”
“Yeah.”
Pam dropped by to let Chris know that his laundry was done. He decided to fill her in on the situation.
“PETE said that?!” she exclaimed. “Wow.”
“Yeah,” Chris remarked, pulling a page from the Book of Ryan. “I don’t believe it. But you know what…what does it matter who said it?”
“As long,” Stacy concluded. “As it works.”

Drama, Lies and Belgian Waffles
With a plan set for Chuck’s return, Chris was able to take it easy for the rest of the weekend. He called his parents and endured a lengthy lecture about how he should call more often.
“We have a right to know what’s going on, Chris,” his father insisted.
“I guess…nothing really,” Chris replied. It was a lie, of course, but a sane one that could be believed. The truth would certainly seem a lie by comparison.
“You’ll keep us posted, won’t you?” his mother asked.
“Sure, Mom.”
“Love you,” they both said before hanging up. Chris sighed. All during the summer, they had been telling him about how much college would change him. They had no idea how right they were. He was just glad they hadn’t decided to pay him a surprise visit. His parents were huggers – how long would it take them to find out he was wearing diapers? How could he even begin to explain it? These concerns gave him a headache, which he assuaged by playing a few more hands of computer solitaire. His winning percentage was dreadfully low.
On Monday, Chris and Stacy left their seminar together and walked back to the dorms. Neither one of them were quite ready to declare a major. Stacy’s problem had been that she liked too many different things; Chris’s had been that he wasn’t passionate about much of anything. Between them, they had spent nearly a day trying to figure out what classes to take in the spring.
“Now remember,” she said as they entered Drew Hall. “It has to be believable.”
“I know,” Chris answered her. “Don’t worry about it.”
Surely enough, Chuck was lurking in the hallway whenst they approach.
“Ready?” he whispered.
“Mmmhmm,” she replied.
Suddenly, he broke free from her and began to walk angrily away.
“Chris…” she called after him.
“No, damnit,” he snapped. “I’m not gonna put up with this anymore.”
“You get back here,” she said, following him.
Chuck broke off from his conversation with the guys next door and watched with amusement. Chris had reached the door to his room when Stacy caught up with him and grabbed him by the arm.
“Don’t touch me!” he snapped, shaking her off. “You disgust me.”
“I just want to talk…”
“We’ve got nothing to talk about.”
“Chris…” she said desperately, trying to touch him again. Once more, he rebuked me.
“I thought I told you not to touch me.”
“Yeah? What are you going to do about it?”
With that, he spun her around and administered a sharp blow to her backside.
“Now get going,” he said coldly.
“Fine!” she sniffled, retreating in teary-eyed anger. “I won’t ever talk to you again!”
“Bitch,” he grumbled, opening the door to his room and throwing his books down in a rage. A moment later, Chuck came in after him, as giddy as a schoolgirl.
“Dude!” he remarked. “What the hell just happened?”
Chris put his hand on his head and groaned. “Don’t ask,” he said. “Just don’t ask. Shit. Now I’m going to be in trouble over this.”
“Women,” Chuck said. “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.”
“Amen,” Chris said, laying it on thick. “She’s been acting totally nuts lately.”
“Probably PMS or some shit,” he commented. “I feel for you, man. Check this: there’s this chick that I’ve been after for awhile, Jen or Gem or something like that. Anyway, I can tell she wants me, but I decide to give it some time. You know, so I don’t look like a shallow ass-fiend. So I go home this weekend…and all of the sudden she doesn’t want to talk to me! Oh Right. Pete said she came by looking for me, got pissed that I wasn’t there and left.”
“Go figure,” Chris said, repressing a smile.
“Sucks about you and Stacy,” he continued. “But two peeps on the same floor…. probably not a good idea anyway. I’d totally do Ashley though.”
“Yeah.”
“You know, Chris, you showed some real balls today, dude. I always figured you for being whipped.”
Chris scoffed in denial.
“Yeah, well…be seeing you. Peace.”
“Later,” Chris remarked. Once Chuck had gone back to his room, he sprinted down the hall to report on his findings.
“I’m in!” he exclaimed.
“In what?” Ashley asked.
“We’re with Chuck,” Stacy explained.
“Ooh…can I be in too?”
Stacy looked at Chris. He shrugged and looked back at her blankly.
“Mmm…. nah. Trust me, it’s more stress then you want to deal with right now.”
“Whatever,” Ashley said as she gathered her books to head off to class. “I just hope you get him good. I don’t like the way he looks at me.”
“Hey,” Chris said after she had gone. “I didn’t really hurt you, did I?”
“No, you were great,” Stacy assured him.
“So were you. Really convincing.”
“Hmmm…. think I should major in drama?”
“Maybe,” he told her. “I mean….you certainly could, but do you really want to go messing with your schedule again?”
“Good point. You know what though?”
“What?” he asked.
“My butt hurts.”
“I thought you said I didn’t hurt you.”
“Well, it doesn’t HURT hurt, it just stings. Plus, I totally wasn’t expecting it.”
He shrugged. “Sorry.”
“That’s OK,” she said, smiling mischievously. “Now come here.”
“What for?” he asked mistrustingly.
“So I can check your diaper, silly.”
Chris allowed Stacy to check him. He was wet and in need of a change, which she then provided. While powdering him, she suddenly reached out and smacked him across the ass. She had been right: it stung if you weren’t expecting it.
The next day, Chris was sure to show up at the dining hall bright and early. He took a seat in an alcove and kept a watchful eye on the door. When at last he saw Chuck coming, he got in line to get waffles. They were Belgian waffles to be precise, with powdered sugar and a cherry topping. Chris was beginning to see why Chuck liked them so much. Just as he sat down to eat, Chuck pulled up a chair across from him.
“Damn,” he remarked. “Look at that line. At this rate, I’m not gonna be able to eat before class.”
“Oh. You can have some of mine,” Chris said, relinquishing his plate.
“Thanks,” said Chuck. “You’re the man.”
He had been hopeful Chuck would extend an invitation to join the hockey maskers, but thusfar all he had done was eat. Suddenly, Chris remembered Pete’s other tip. Chuck liked football. Unfortunately, Chris wasn’t too big on football. He’d have to bluff and hope that Chuck bought it.”
“So….what do you think of the…um…Chiefs this year?”
“They’re the real deal,” Chuck replied between bites. “Unless Priest Holmes goes down. Then they’re finished. But yeah, they’re good. Maybe not 16-0 good, but good. Hey…I didn’t know you liked football?”
Chris shrugged. “What did you think I was into?” he asked. “Knitting socks?”
Chuck snickered. “You know, man, just when I was gonna write you off as a weirdo, you’re seeming like a pretty cool guy.”
“Thanks. It’s just…I don’t know. A lot of the people around here are kinda…”
“Assholes,” Chuck interjected. “Bunch of politically correct, pot-smoking hypocrites. Yeah, I didn’t used to think there were any cool people around here either, but….”
“But what?” Chris asked.
“Forget it.”
“Whatever….”
“OK, look, dude,” he said whispering. “I’d have to clear it with some peeps first, but how’d you like to get in on something?”
“Like what?”
“Like taking back this campus. And having a good time.”
“Umm…sure. Yeah, that sounds like it’d be great.”
“Aright. Well…. I’ll go see about letting you in. In the meantime, you didn’t hear anything from me.”
“’Course not.”
“I’m out. Thanks for the waffles.”
No, Chris thought, thank you.