Gatherings 6
After sem, Chris and Stacy walked back to his room. She told him to strip down to his diaper and wait for her. She promised she’d be back soon. He sure hoped so: suspense was a killer.
After standing around in just his diaper for what seemed like a century (but was actually less than five minutes, Stacy returned carrying an armful of things.
“What’s all this?” he asked.
“Gonna make sure you have a nice nap,” she explained. “But I need to change you first.”
Chris lay down for his now-customary diapering. Stacy had yet to get sick of it and continued to show affection while she changed him. He was still incapable of maintaining an erection. It was one of life’s crueler ironies.
After she had finished diapering him, Stacy produced an adult-sized snap crotch onsie. Chris was suspicious.
“A friend of a friend of a guy I know makes clothing for adult babies, among other things,” she explained. “Now let me put this on you. I wanna see how it looks.”
Chris examined the garment. There didn’t seem to be anything overtly offensive about it. It wasn’t pink. It didn’t have decorations of flowers. He shrugged. Why the hell not? After putting it on him, Stacy naturally pointed out how cute he looked.
“It’s a little tight,” he complained.
“I know,” she said. “It’s supposed to be. Besides, it shows off your muscles.”
Chris couldn’t argue with that. He hopped into bed and allowed Stacy to tuck him in.
“We’re not done yet,” she said.
“We’re not?” he asked.
She slid a teddy bear under his arm and popped a pacifier into his mouth. Just as he was about to get up and bring an end to this absurdity, she placed a calming finger upon his forehead.
“Just relax,” she said. “Forget about how stupid you think you look, forget about your nightmares. Forget about Matt, forget about Pam, forget about ME if you want to though I hope you won’t. Forget about all of it and just relax. You’re safe, you’re comfy and you’re perfectly capable of sleeping during the day.”
Chris thought about protesting but realized he had nothing to protest with. He was safe, he was comfortable and he was tired. End of story.
“I’ll be back to check on you in half an hour,” she said. “If you’re not in this bed, I’m going to spank your butt back to the stoneage.”
Chris glared at her and raised his arm from under the covers.
“Kidding!” she assured him and kissed him on the forehead. “Nite, nite babe.”
She had gone but five minutes and Chris found himself drifting impossibly off into a peaceful sleep. That sleep was shattered by Chuck knocking on the door and shouting his name. Not once did he say “dude”.
“Coming,” Chris said wearily. So much for napping. He threw on some clothes over his onesie, threw open the door and threw his face right into Chuck’s incoming fist. There was something to be said for Robert Frost’s poem regarding fences after all.

Judas, Brutus and Alger Hiss
Even in his anger, Chuck had a certain awkward slackerishness about him. He lunged at Chris half-heartedly, more the butting goat than the charging bull. He could have easily floored Chris with one deft blow, but was instead content to paw at him and shove him around. Chris, for his part, tried the best to make sense of what was happening. His best guess was that he had been found out.
“Dude,” he said as Chuck shoved him into a wall. “Calm down!”
Chuck, red-faced and huffing mad, finally took pause from his awkward thrashing of his neighbor.
“What the hell, man?” he asked. “I thought you were cool. You rat us out?!”
“I…no,” Chris lied. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“Professor Thorne’s entire class walked out on him,” Chuck told him. “That means somebody told what we were doing out there.”
“What makes you think it was me?”
“Shit, Chris, you’re always talking to Stacy all the time. Took me a minute to figure it out, but I’m onto you, ya treacherous person!”
“Chuck,” he said calmly. “Listen to me. Yes, I told Stacy. Yes, I was asked to spy. But I’m not spying for anyone. I just want to find out what happened.”
His face drew a blank stare. “What do you mean what happened?”
“I think Matt might be messing with all of us….trying to play us against each other.”
“No way!” Chuck said, pushing him again. “Matt…”
“…is powerful enough to get away with it. Come on Chuck, you know I’m right.”
“All I know is this. You’re gonna stand trial tomorrow night.”
“Trial?”
“Yeah. You don’t show, then you’d better consider transferring, dude.”
And with a final slam of the door, he was gone. Chris found himself sweating and breathing rapidly. He was a mess.
“well blow me down,” he grumbled.
Before he could even as much as catch his breath, Stacy burst in and scolded him for not being in bed. He angrily issued her a summary of the past moments’ events.
“Pfft…trial,” she replied. “Yeah…right.”
Chris remained mute and sullen.
“You’re not WORRIED about this, are you?”
“Yeah, Stace, I am. If I don’t go through this, it’s going to be hell. They WILL kick my ass, and it won’t stop there. How long do you think it’ll take for them to find out I wear diapers? That’ll be all over campus soon enough. I’m screwed!”
“Whoa…Christ…timeout. Take….”
“Don’t tell me to take it easy!”
“You’re getting an attitude, hun.”
He groaned. “It’s like I’ve been taking the fall for someone else all along and I don’t even know who.”
“I wish I knew too.”
“Then let’s find out,” he said.
“Huh?”
“Ask Pam. Ask Chloe. Find out what they really know.”
“I can’t do that, Chris,” she said.
“Why?” he asked. “Because they’ll call you a traitor. Oh, I get it. It’s OK for me to put my ass on the line but God forbid you should have to do the same.”
“It’s not like that,” she said, although her conviction had already wavered.
“I need this,” he said and then mumbled something in an embarrassed whisper.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“I said I can’t do it alone,” he mumbled.
“Then you won’t have to,” she said, kissing him.
“Wait a minute,” he said, pushing her gently away. “Did you tell anyone what I told you about last night?”
“Nope. I’m not stupid Chris.”
“Then how did they know? Someone must have seen us!”
“Orrr,” she said, patting his head. “You’re going crazy.”
He shrugged. “That too.”

A Chemistry Teacher’s Wet Dream
That evening, Chris and Stacy paid Pam a visit. Their timing was fortunate: Pam’s roommate was meeting with a study group. It was just as well, for what they had to discuss was a very private matter. She herself was also studying (or at least looking into a book and seeming occupied) when they came a’knocking.
“Hey guys,” she greeted. “You find anything out yet?”
“Did you hear that Professor Thorne’s class walked out on him?” Stacy asked.
Pam shrugged. “I hear that guy is a dick.”
“He was at that meeting,” Chris said. “Thing is, I didn’t tell anyone that except for Stacy. But somehow, a bunch of people knew, just as a bunch of people knew I was spying. Someone’s been setting me up.”
“Oh. Any ideas who?”
Stacy gave her a blank stare.
“Me? Please, tell me you’re kidding. Hello! I was assaulted, remember?”
“Or were you?” Chris asked. “Call me crazy, but I had this weird dream. You and Matt together, planning this whole thing. It was your idea, actually.”
“I can’t BELIEVE you would accuse me of something like that!”
“I don’t want to believe it either,” said Stacy. “But poor Chris has been getting screwed over time and time again and…well…we had to ask.”
“It’s not true,” Pam rebuked. “It was a DREAM!”
“Me getting cursed was a dream too,” Chris told her. “Only that one was true.”
“I am NOT making this up!” Pam insisted. “Yes, OK, I totally went for Matt at first, but after I said no, it just got disgusting. What more do I have to do?”
“Prove it,” Stacy told her.
“How?”
“I’m going on trial tomorrow night,” Chris explained. “Come and make your accusation then. Bring as many friends as you need to feel comfortable, but don’t leave me hanging. Let’s put Matt on trial instead.”
“I can’t,” Pam insisted. “I want to, but….well…someone’s been following me too. And until I know who it is, I don’t know who to trust.”
“You can trust us,” Stacy insisted. “Come on. Please.”
She took a deep breath. “I’ll think about it,” she said. “You guys keep working at it and try to find out who the stalker is.”
“Will do,” said Chris. “And I’m sorry about…”
“Thanks,” she said curtly. “I appreciate it.”
Chris left her room with his head hung low.
“What’s wrong?” Stacy asked.
“I feel like a jerk for suspecting her,” he said.
“You’ve been under a lot of stress lately,” Stacy said, trying to comfort him.
“I’m not a baby!” Chris asserted. “I’m gonna get whoever’s behind this and things are going to get back to normal around here.”
“Too bad,” Stacy joked. “I’m going to miss you the way you are now.”
He glared at her angrily.
“Kidding!” she insisted.
“You REALLY need to stop with that,” he grumbled.
“Sorreeee. So…what are you gonna do next?”
Chris paused and took a moment to contemplate. “Well…after what happened, I can’t get close to Matt. Chuck’s still anoyed , but I can get him back. In order to do that, however, I’m gonna have to talk to Pete.”
“Is this going to involve more of my underwear?”
Chris shrugged. “Possibly.”
“Ugh. I hope not.”
They parted ways and Chris knocked on the door of his mysterious neighbor.
“Enter,” replied the voice from within.
Chris entered. Pete was playing a computer game, which he promptly put on pause.
“I sense you are troubled,” he said.
“You’re a regular Miss Cleo,” Chris sardonically replied. “How are things with Jenna?”
“Window dressing,” Pete replied. “She’s a nice girl and very pretty, but not a lot there mentally. Pure window dressing.”
“Oh,” Chris answered, suppressing a smile. “So…you wouldn’t mind breaking up with her?”
“Not if I can find a way to let her down easy. If there was someone who loved me more, for instance, she’d be forced to understand.”
“Hmm…” Chris said. “Would a conveniently placed love letter from Pam work?”
“It might,” Pete told him. “It just might. And then, she’ll be free to go back to Chuck, which is what he wants and he’ll have you to thank, which is what you want, correct?”
Chris was flabbergasted. “How do you do it?”
Pete shrugged. “Ingenuity. Luck. A good guess. Name your cliché. Point is I did it. Now come back to me when you have this faux letter. And don’t forget the Swedish fish.”
Chris nodded. If his teeth didn’t fall out from all the sugar, Pete would have a bright future ahead of him.
Pam was able to fabricate a fairly convincing love letter, which Chris delivered to Pete along with the aforementioned candy. He then scoured the campus in search of Chuck and ultimately found him jogging.
“Dude….stay away from me,” Chuck cautioned.
“I know, I mesed up,” Chris admitted. “But if I can help you get Jenna, will you do me a favor?”
Chuck grinned. “You get me a piece of Jenna and I’ll do everything short of blowing you.”
It seemed that vendettas were not part of the Charles Gordon Jr. guide for better living. Chris was relieved: if he couldn’t count on Chuck, he might NEVER get a hard-on.
What happened next was a chemistry professor’s delight. Chain reaction upon chain reaction was set off until the violent and turbulent forces that had rocked the campus since the days before Halloween finally seemed ready to settle down and play ball. Chris went to get his diaper changed by Stacy, who assured him he was doing a good job and had not gone completely crazy….yet. Meanwhile, Jenna discovered the love letter Pam wrote for Pete and, teary eyed, broke things off with him. While walking around campus to quell her grief, she encountered none other than Chuck, who, despite reeking of sweat and frustration, was able to provide just the assurance and support (not to mention placement of tongue and fingers) that she needed. Chuck then reported back to Chris with the good news that Jenna’s “dumbass boyfriend broke up with her” and told him to name his price. Chris asked Chuck to get close to Matt and keep his ears open. Despite his initial reluctance, Chuck agreed to do so. His findings then led to….

Pretrial Motions
“….nothing,” Chuck said the next day. “Sorry, dude.”
Chris frowned. That meant he was going to trial and he was going it alone.
“Alright,” he said. “At least tell me how this trial is going to work.”
“It’s gonna work like a trial,” he said. “Professor Thorne will act as judge, Matt’s gonna prosecute and everyone else will be the jury.”
“Do I get defense council?” Chris asked.
Chuck shrugged. “Maybe. If someone wants to stick their ass on the line for you.”
Chris glared at him.
“No way,” Chuck said.
“Come on.”
“Dude…. sorry, but….”
“You know, Chuck,” Chris lamented. “I thought you had balls. But, if you’re so scared of Matt…”
“You’re not gonna get me with bullshit logic.”
“Then what will I get you with?”
“I get you off the hook, you buy me waffles every day for the rest of the semester.”
Chris thought about the damage this would do to his meal plan. He’d have to cut back consumption considerably. Then again, it was better to eat less and breathe more than the other way around.
“Fine,” he said.
The rest of his day was spent in anxious anticipation. He paced angrily up and down the hallway until Christine told him to cut it out and take some valium if he was that nervous. As time passed, the situation got worse and worse.
“I almost forgot,” Chuck told him. “Before I agreed to represent you, Matt took a statement.”
“What kind of statement?” Chris asked.
“That I believed you tricked me and I saw you talking to Stacy a lot.”
“ That’s just great.”
Chuck shrugged. “Sorry.”
Five minutes later, he was given another news bulletin.
“I almost forgot,” Chuck told him. “You can’t have anyone at the trial unless they are willing to testify.”
“That doesn’t help any.”
Chuck shrugged again. “Sorry.”
When he returned five minutes later, Chris practically ran for cover.
“Now what?” he asked. “I have to supply my own crucifix.”
“Nah, dude, I just wanted to know if you had any Easy Mac.”
Chris nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. His parents, concerned that he would have enough to eat, had purchased for him an economy-sized box of macaroni and cheese. Chris had barely made a dent into it. Being diapered and impotent had taken away his desire to enjoy a good bowel of mac n cheese.
While Chuck feasted on Easy Mac (and criticized Pete for eating too much candy), Chris went down the hall to pester Stacy. As she was not around, he found himself talking to Ashley instead.
“You look depressed,” she commented. “What’s up?”
“It’s a long story,” he said.
“You won’t tell me anything, Stacy won’t tell me anything…I feel like a freakin sheep around here.”
“If its any consolation, Ryan’s gonna be quite lost when he comes back.”
“IF he comes back,” Ashley said.
“Don’t even joke about that. Without him around, I spend all my time here or talking to Chuck.”
“Good point.”
“Yeah.”
“Hey…can I ask you something? It’s a bit of a strange question.”
Chris thought about all the things that had happened over the past two weeks. Nothing seemed strange any more.
“Sure. Go right ahead.”
“What does it feel like?”
“What does what feel like?”
“Being in diapers all the time.”
He shrugged. “I got used to it,” he said.
“The way Stacy talks about it, its like the greatest thing.”
“Oh,” Chris replied with disgust. On the one hand, he was glad that she was glad. On the other hand, he was mad. Why should she benefit from his curse? Then again, why shouldn’t HE?
“So do you think you’re gonna keep it up after the…you know…curse is lifted?”
“I never really thought about it,” Chris confessed.
“It’d make Stacy happy.”
“So you’ve said.”
“Seriously, Chris. She doesn’t like to admit it, but she’s afraid of most guys. Except for you. And even then, she’s afraid that she’s going to lose you. And she’d do ANYTHING…”
“OK, I get the idea,” he said. “I just wish she wouldn’t make so many damn jokes.”
“Humor makes the world go round,” Ashley told him. “But I’ll be sure and pass that message along.”
“Thanks. Can you pass another message along while you’re at it?”
“Sure.”
“OK,” he said, clearing his throat. “‘Don’t bother looking for me tonight. I’m going to lose. I don’t know what that means, but I’m going to lose. Chuck’s on my side, but I’m still going to end up taking the fall…as usual. It’s not your fault though, so don’t go blaming yourself. I should have stayed out of the woods. If I’m around tomorrow, you’ll know where to find me. Love, Chris.’ You get all that?”
“Still writing,” she said as she scribbled the message onto paper. “How wonderfully dramatic!”
Chris grumbled. “How miserably true.”

Trial and Error…. Mostly Error
Much to Chris’s surprise, the trial was not held in the woods. It was to be off campus, but Chuck would not specify the location. Instead, he borrowed a car from a friend and drove around in circles a number of times “to make sure they weren’t being followed.” Chuck eventually parked in front of the frat houses and led Chris into the woods.
“That was pointless,” Chris remarked.
“It’s so we wouldn’t be followed,” Chuck echoed. He then put on his hockey mask. Chris was told he was not allowed to wear his.
As they entered the heart of the woods, Chris noticed that there were a number of folding chairs set up as well as a podium.
“You guys really went all out on this,” he commented.
“Dude…if I were you, I’d say as little as possible.”
Chris nodded. He found himself in the embrace of masked hostility. Blank, white faces burned at him with concealed hatred. He felt every bit the sacrificial lamb.
Professor Thorne stepped up to the podium. He was identified only by the outraged, weathered tones of his voice.
“All rise,” he declared.
“We’re already standing,” someone informed him. “These chairs suck!”
“Right. Defendant has been charged with espionage and treason, punishable by excommunication, public scorn and egging. How does he plead?”
“Not guilty,” Chris said.
“Fair enough. Let’s get this show on the road so I can go home and break open a bottle of Johnnie Walker.”
Thorne stepped down and another masked figure approached the podium. This was Matt.
“Guys, I’m not going to bother with an opening statement. Chris came here as our friend and he sold us out. He embarrassed Professor Thorne, gave away our secrets and played us all for fools. It’s that simple. It’s that damn simple.”
Chuck cleared his throat and approached. “Dudes and dudettes…. he didn’t do it. I know what you’re thinking, but the whole thing is a frame-up and I’m gonna prove it.”
He sat down and whispered to Chris that he thought they stood a pretty decent chance of winning. Chris groaned. It didn’t look to him like Chuck would be getting his waffles after all.
“Prosecution calls Christine Beyer,” Matt said. He then waited in silence for Christine to appear.
“She ain’t here,” someone finally informed him. “She’s at a program or a lecture or something.”
Actually, Christine was making out with a senior biology major named Trent. No one at the trial had any way of knowing it, nor would they have cared.
“Shit,” Matt grumbled. “Well…I’m gonna read a written statement she gave to me. You all can take a look at it later if you want.”
“Objection,” Chuck said. “That’s hearsay, man.”
“I’ll allow it,” said Thorne.
“Chris has been acting weird lately,” Matt read. “‘He’s been pacing up and down the hallways, sneaking in and out at night and sure is spending a lot of time with Stacy.’ The Stacy she’s referring to is Stacy Rose, who, as many of you know, is affiliated with those women’s center wackos.”
“Cross?” Thorne ask.
“He can’t cross-examine a witness who isn’t there!” Matt objected.
“What do you want from me?” Thorne rejoined. “I teach history, not law!”
“Prosecution calls Charles Gordon.”
“Dude,” Chuck objected. “Conflict of interest.”
“Approach,” Thorne said.
He and Matt approached.
“What’s the deal?” Thorne asked.
“He signed a statement,” Matt explained.
“Before I agreed to defend Chris,” Chuck countered.
“Hmm…” Thorne contemplated. “Statement is in, but, seeing as how you can’t cross-examine yourself, I’m going to give you the opportunity to explain it in your own words after Matt is finished asking questions. If you perjure yourself, I’m fining you $10.”
Chuck shrugged. “Fair enough.”
“What the hell kind of trial is this?” asked Patt Borden, a pre-law student who had joined the hockey maskers on a whim.
“Is this your writing?” Matt asked.
“Yeah,” Chuck replied.
“So…in this statement, you said that you felt Chris betrayed you. You also remarked that you saw Chris talking to Stacy on the day after our last meeting, the day of the walkout. Is that true?”
“Yup.”
“Nothing further.”
“OK,” Chuck said. “I thought that Chris had sold me out at the time, but that was based on things I didn’t know that he told me later. Also, he was talking to Stacy because they are going out. They’ve been together since BEFORE he joined us. And he joined us with Matt’s approval. So…yeah.”
The crowd erupted into a series of groans and whispers and exclamations of “what the hell?”
“Order!” yelled Thorne. “I’ve had enough disorder for one week, don’t you think?”
Everyone lowered their voices and humbly apologized.
“Anything further?” Thorne asked.
“Nah,” said Matt. “Prosecution rests.”
“Defense may call its first witness.”
“Moment with my client?” Chuck asked.
“Go right ahead.”
“All right dude,” Chuck whispered in Chris’s ear. “One of two things is going to happen. Either you are going to tell me what you’re hiding RIGHT NOW or you’re going to get burned when I put you on the stand. We’ve got no witnesses and you’re credibility is shady. So what’s it going to be?”
Chris felt a lump forming in his throat. This was bad. Very bad. If he walked away covered in yolk, that would be the least of his problems. There would be harassment and mistrust. He would forever be known as a traitor.
“I…” he began. Suddenly, everyone was on their feet. Chris wondered what all the commotion was about and took a look for himself. He…