“Um, this is all of my dads personal stuff, I want to keep all of it, can I just keep the entire chest?”
“Of course, we can put it into your room, would you like to get anything else?”
I thought, the chest had stuff from my communion, picture albums, scrap books, his diaries, places he worked, souvenirs from places we traveled, and I had everything I wanted except for one thing. I went to his dresser and opened his drawer. I grabbed his big t-shirt that I made for him when I was 8. It had my hand prints on it and said “I love you daddy” on the back. I put it on top of his jewelry box that sat on his night stand and put them both in the trunk.
“I’m ready now”
“Okay let’s go”
“Wait a sec, one more thing”
“What is it?” Angela asked with curiosity
“I had an accident” Which was kind of a lie, since I did it on purpose, but I didn’t want to say that.
“You can tell”
“How?” I asked, feeling quite embarrassed
“Your saggy in the front. Go to the car and get a new one, the powder and the wipes and go to the bathroom and change, I will bring the chest to the car.”
“Okay”
I went to the car and got the stuff I was supposed to. I went to the bathroom and pulled down my shorts. I felt the goodnight; it was mushy and did swell up a bit. I mushed it and finally pulled it down; it made a plop sound when it fell on the tile. I wiped and powdered, put the new one on and pulled my shorts up. I threw the old one in the trash and headed downstairs. I got a granola bar out of the cupboard and locked the door on my way out.
“All Ready?”
“Yeah, are we going to your house now?”
“We have to stop one more place, and then we can”
The car pulled out of the driveway and I wondered; where were we going?
“Now” Angela said, looking me in the eye.“I know you probably don’t want to do this, but we have to. We have to go pick out a casket for your father and identify his body at the morg.”
I looked at her with what I can imagine are the saddest eyes anyone has ever seen. I didn’t want to go see my father dead, or pick out a casket where he would be buried, it would only make the suititation permenant.
“Ok” I said quietly.
“We will go pick out the casket first”
We pulled up to a small funeral home and went inside. I was kind of out of it so Angela told the lady at the desk what we were looking for. We were led into a small room containing about 6 caskets. I picked one with a white interior and Mahogony wood. After we were done looking Angela talked to the lady again and had me sign a couple of papers. We went back to the car and headed to a big place, what I assumed was the morg. We walked in and while we were being lead to wherever my dad was I still had a little hope in me.
“Maybe he isn’t dead, maybe they have the wrong person and he is just at work right now”
“Oh Sweetie, I wish he was” Angela looked at me like she could cry, although I didn’t really understand why.
“Here we are, I will leave you two alone” The man said.
We walked to a steel table with a white lumpy sheet on it. Angela lifted up one corner and I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was my father, my father! I started crying really loud, feeling terrible. I ran to Angela and buried my face in her and continued to sob while she held me.
“sssh, it’s ok. It will be alright”
“No it won’t” I pulled away from her. “I hate this, I hate not having my house, my father, I hate everything right now”
“It will get better I promise” Angela said in a reassuring voice.