There were moments, like the experience she had had outside, in which Megan was able to let herself go. Yet on the whole, she could not convince herself. She could never be a baby again or even a little girl; she would just be a college student playing the part. And once she got past thinking it was cute or exciting, she came to realize it was in many ways pathetic and sad. She should be looking forward, not back. Thought she felt like an old lady at times, she still realized that most of her life lay ahead of her. Her mother was right: someday she would find whatever it was she was looking for. However, it wouldn’t be today and it wouldn’t be diapers.
Diapered and lying in bed that night, Megan tried to remember the last time she felt ‘normal.’ She couldn’t. Even before she came home, there were restless nights and slight, but significant changes. On impulse, she reached for her journal and jotted down a quick entry.
I’m not going to worry anymore. What happens, happens. I’ll probably still wet the bed, but I don’t need to make a big deal out of it. And if I feel like sucking on my thumb every once in awhile, so what? I’m not the only person who does it. I don’t have to pretend. If I’m not gonna be really happy either way, I might as well be me. Besides, something might come along. Who knows? I didn’t expect this, but here I am…. diapers and all. It’s late and I’m tired. Nite-nite.
