I stopped and sat back on my knees, because there was this unhealthy feeling again. It was a usual feeling and I knew, what I had to do, to stop it. I had to release it, like I always did. And I sat there and pushed, while I bit on my lip. It was hard work and I grunted with every try. And then I felt, that it was coming.

My head was already beat red and the exhaustion was written in my face. Then, the world seemed to spin and I fell back into a lying position. I raised my legs up to my chest and felt it coming. It was like a flood, despite the fact, that it was more solid. And the releasing was, like always, liberating.

There was this funny smell, but I didn’t paid too much attention to it, because I usually smelled such things the whole day and night. And I thought about my situation, and how to make the best out of it. And I knew the answer! I balled my hands and used all my power, in order to push everything out my body. I don’t know why, but everyone was always proud of me, when I did my work right. So here I was, grunting and struggling for my great deed, till nothing was left.

Damn, was I good! But it was as exhausting as ever and my powerless legs and hands collapsed in the end to ground. Then, as my butt met the ground, I felt the squishy filling of my diaper. And it spread in my diaper by my weight, but this feeling was so normal like everyday. And it was no bad feeling for me, because it was so nicely warm. It was soooooo much and it made me happy, because everyone will be proud of me.

And I lay there, exhausted but happy. But something wasn’t right! I wasn’t sure! I couldn’t see if something wasn’t right, because my usual blurry view made it difficult to comprehend the distant lights over me. I knew, that I had two hands and two legs. I felt them, but they only did, what they liked to do, and I wondered, like always: For what were they good?

I knew something was wrong! Someone wailed and bawled over there, but I don’t know, who it was. But it wasn’t important, because there was always someone here, who cried. I’ve heard it so often, that it became meaningless for me.

And I heard a usual soft lullaby from somewhere. I thought, it was my favourite song, but they all sounded identical and awesome to me. That were usual sounds of my daily life. There was nothing different from before. But what was wrong? I really liked to know it, but the day was so exhausting until now. Maybe I ask Susie, when I wake up……