“I think I’m going to ring my parents to come and pick me up now,” Jessica told Kevin shortly after ten the next morning. The two were sprawled out across the grass in his back garden, the heavy June sun beating down on them.

“I told you I’d take you home later, I’ve got to go and see Nick, your house is practically on the way to his.”

“I know, but I think I’d rather go home now instead of hanging around here, I have a bit of a headache, and I’m kind of tired.”

And whose fault is that?” Kevin asked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You didn’t sleep at all last night, if you don’t sleep of course you’re going to be tired. I bet you didn’t even try to sleep, did you?”

“Of course I didn’t,” Jessica was raising her voice, “You say you understand this, but you don’t. If I’d gone to sleep last night, the bedwetting, it’s not just sometimes. I can’t turn it off. If I go to sleep then it happens, every night. I couldn’t have gone to sleep last night, I would have wet your bed.” Tears pricked Jessica’s eyes, her voice wavering.

“I know, but I do understand, and I’ve told you it doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t say I didn’t mind if I did, but you don’t listen when I say I accept it as part of you, you don’t trust me.”

“I do trust you, this isn’t about trust. It’s about me not wanting to wet your bed, especially not when you’re in it.”

“But I’ve told you, I wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t care if you don’t mind, I mind!” Jessica shouted, “Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be eighteen-years-old and still wake up wet every single morning? Do you have any idea how hard it is to even think about talking about it to people, let alone having people see it? You don’t realise how ashamed it makes me feel that this even exists. I couldn’t do it, Kevin, I couldn’t go to sleep and wet your bed and then have to face you in the morning. I can’t even look you in the eye when we’re talking about it, how would I ever look at you again if I knew I’d peed on you? I couldn’t do it. It would be too humiliating. I hate myself for this, and how do I know that if it happened you won’t hate me to.” Jessica broke down, crying loud, deep sobs.

Kevin’s eyes were filling with tears as well; he hated seeing Jessica this upset, and hated to know it was mainly his fault even more. He put his arm around her, cuddling her close, “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to push you into anything, I didn’t realise you felt like that. I thought I was making it easier, not harder. I wish you’d told me this sooner,” he wiped away Jessica’s tears from her cheek with his index finger, “But you know I wouldn’t have woken up hating you if you had gone to sleep and wet last night. I know you can’t help it. And hey, we could have had a nice hot, steamy shower together this morning.”

Jessica didn’t say anything, but her sobs began to subside.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Kevin asked.

Jessica nodded, “If you don’t mind. I didn’t mean to shout at you, but… I just need some sleep.”

“I know, don’t worry. We can talk about everything another time, when you’re not tired and I’m not hungover. Neither of us is in a great mood right now. You go get your stuff and I’ll find my car keys.”

“Jess, I’ve been thinking,” Kevin passed the joint he’d been toking to Jessica; “We’ve been together over two months now.” June had passed, and it was mid-July already. College had ended for the summer, and both had finally sat their last exams. Now over 7 weeks of summer freedom lay ahead of them.

Jessica inhaled the harsh smoke, and let the effects of the weed wash over her, she lay back and let the warmth from the sun rest on her face. “I know?”

“I was wondering, do you think you’re ready to come stay with me again yet?”

Jessica opened her mouth to protest, but Kevin stopped her.

“Just hear me out, I kept thinking about what you were saying, about why you couldn’t sleep if I was there with you. And I saw your point, I wouldn’t mind if you wet and I was there, but I understand why you don’t want to. So I was thinking, and I looked around on the internet, and y’know you can get nappies, in adult sizes, and if you wore one when you stayed at mine you wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Jessica felt her skin prickle red hot with embarrassment, she didn’t know what to say, she felt awash with shame. No guy should have to suggest that his eighteen-year-old girlfriend went back into nappies. Nappies were for babies, wearing one in front of Kevin would be even more humiliating than wetting his bed. “I’m not a baby,” she said in a small voice, “I can’t wear a nappy.”

“But you can. I know it sounds horrible and babyish, but it’s not. It’s just a sensible solution to a problem. No one would know but me, and it would be nicer for you. You wouldn’t wake up cold and wet, and you could stay at mine and actually go to sleep, and you can just pretend that it doesn’t exist.”

“But it will exist, it will exist and it’ll be worse. How can you take me seriously if I’m wearing nappies like a fucking baby, it’s even worse to wear nappies than it is to wet the bed.”

“It’s exactly the same,” Kevin pointed out, “I don’t mean that in a cruel way, but why does it matter if you wet the bed or wet a nappy? Surely waking up to a dry bed’s better than waking up to a wet one? And I promise I won’t even mention it, you can just get changed in the morning and it’ll be like I don’t even know.”

“But you will know.” Jessica interrupted.

“I already know,” he said softly, “Just think about it, I’ll buy them for you and everything. Just try it, come stay at my house on Friday night, please? We’ll go out to The Marble first, loads of people are gonna be there. It’ll be good, please?”

“Okay,” Jessica agreed, somewhat reluctantly. She wasn’t at all sure about wearing nappies, she’d been in them for her bedwetting until the age of six, and she remembered hating them. Her older sister had teased her mercilessly for still needing to wear nappies, and so Jessica had refused to wear them any longer. She vaguely remembered the transition from waking up to a dry bed to waking up in a wet one, and how for months afterwards she had longed for her parents to put her back into nappies, but they never had. And then Jessica had put the thought into the back of her mind, she hadn’t considered nappies at all past the age of seven, not until Kevin brought it up anyway.

“Umm, I, I, look under the bed. I got the, umm, I got the, y’know, the nappies for you,” Kevin stuttered nervously, he seemed to be almost as embarrassed as Jessica was, “Do you want me to leave you to put one on?”

Jessica nodded. When Kevin had left the room she looked under the bed, where she was met with a large, unopened packet of Tena Maxi nappies. She tore open the packaging, and took out a nappy. It had a soft plastic backing, which had a somehow nostalgic scent to it. Jessica fingered the nappy, touching the comfortable padding inside, running her index finger and thumb along the pleated leg cuffs. Excitement rose within her at the thought of putting it on, she pulled off her trousers and knickers, and lay down on Kevin’s bedroom floor. She slid the nappy under her, and pulled it up between her legs. She remembered the way her mother had changed her when she was younger, she remembered how comforting it had been to have somebody else take control of her bedwetting problem, and a wave of longing washed over her. She fastened the tapes of the nappy, she was slightly drunk, and very out of practise, but she didn’t do a bad job. She took a pair of baby-pink shortie pyjamas from her overnight bag, pulling the cotton shorts over her padded bottom she realised that they did nothing to conceal the nappy. The nappy’s waistband rose high above that of the shorts, and the pyjamas’ top rested a good inch above the waistband of the shorts, her nappy visible and obvious.

“Can I come in now?” Kevin called from behind his door.

“Yeah, okay.” Jessica pushed the packet of nappies back under his bed with her foot, and went to climb into it before Kevin saw how obvious her nappy was.

Before she had a chance to get into the bed Kevin had his arms around her, she turned to face him, and the two embraced in a long kiss. They slid into bed. “Thank you,” Kevin whispered, his hands sliding down to Jessica’s nappy, stroking the waistband.

Jessica pushed his hands away, embarrassed. “You said, you… not tonight.”

“Sorry, it’s just, you’re so beautiful. I’ve wanted you for so long, and now I finally have you. It’s hard not to get carried away.” He had his arm around her, and he held her close, “But it’s okay, I can wait.” He kissed her forehead, “I’ll wait for as long as you want, we never have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“Thanks,” Jessica stroked his bare chest with her fingers, “I will be ready, but one step at a time. This, right now, is a big thing for me. I know it seems small and insignificant, and I know I sound silly, but…”

“Shhh, you don’t sound silly. I understand, I understand completely. You just concentrate on getting to sleep tonight.”

Jessica, still half-asleep, cuddled up to Kevin, she felt safe in his arms, curled up close. He was awake, gently running his fingers through her hair, across her cheek, down her neck, stroking her collarbone, moving down past her shoulders, along her arm and to her fingers. He took her hand in his, and she stirred slightly.

“You awake?” Kevin asked.

“Mmmmm,” came Jessica’s sleepy reply, she rolled over in bed. And realised where she was, in Kevin’s bed, with him, and she’d been asleep. But she wasn’t wet, she hadn’t wet the bed, maybe she wasn’t a bedwetter after all. She turned towards Kevin, about to tell him, when she remembered the nappy. She reached down to feel it, and although she had little experience with nappies she could tell from the warm bulk of it that it was wet, she turned crimson with embarrassment. She was wet, she had wet the bed, she was a bedwetter. She was just a much drier bedwetter than usual.

“Did you sleep well?” Kevin asked, “Better than usual I bet.”

Jessica stayed silent, her tears falling onto Kevin’s bare chest, leaving a small puddle beneath her cheek.

“Hey, don’t get upset, there’s nothing to be upset about. Everything’s fine,” Kevin soothed, “Don’t cry, you’re okay, you’re safe here, there’s nothing to cry over.”

“I know, but I thought for a moment…” Jessica trailed off.

“Thought what?” Kevin prompted.

“I forgot what I was wearing, and I thought maybe I hadn’t, that maybe I’d been…” Jessica trailed off again, she knew what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the words.

“That you hadn’t wet the bed you mean?”

Kevin felt Jessica nod against him.

“But you haven’t, the bed’s still dry. And it doesn’t matter if you wet the nappy; it’s what it’s made for. You haven’t done anything wrong, you haven’t done anything to be upset or ashamed about. Isn’t it just nice not to have to get out of bed as soon as you wake up?”

“Yeah… it is better than usual, but… I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s just that when I woke up I thought I’d really stayed dry. Then I remembered. And… it is something to be ashamed of. Normal teenagers don’t wet the bed, no one else has this problem.”

“That’s not true, it happens to loads of people, they just don’t talk about it. Any one of our friends could wet the bed, and keep it a secret in the same way you do. Just because you don’t know who else it happens to doesn’t mean you’re the only one.”

“You’re just saying that because you feel like you have to say something nice, but you know that most people stop wetting the bed when they’re kids.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s something to be ashamed of. Most people learn to walk when they’re toddlers, but surely you don’t think if somebody needs to use a wheelchair they should be ashamed?”

“No, but that’s different.”

“How is it different?” Kevin asked, “Bedwetting is a medical condition as much as anything else is, it’s just not talked about very openly, and it’s not obvious, it’s easy to hide, so you don’t realise how common it is. It’s not your fault, you can’t help it, how can you control what happens to you in your sleep? It’s no different to snoring or drooling in your sleep, sure, you’d rather it didn’t happen, but it’s not your fault that it does, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. And hey, at least now you don’t have to wake up in a wet bed anymore.” He cupped Jessica’s face in his hands, kissing her lips softly.

Jessica kissed Kevin back, and let his hands find their way to her breasts. His hands continued to move down to her hips, and even when she knew they were touching the plastic waistband of her wet nappy she didn’t stop him, she knew now that Kevin was the person she wanted to lose her virginity to.

“Do you want me to stop?” Kevin whispered.

“Never,” Jessica kissed Kevin again, her hands moving down to, and then inside, his boxers. He was hard against her, and she gently took him in her hands.

Kevin slid a hand inside Jessica’s wet nappy, and was surprised when he felt her pull away.

“I’ll take it off.” She said, un-taping the sides of the nappy, folding it so that it was wrapped within itself.

“Just throw it down on the floor,” Kevin whispered, pulling Jessica’s pyjama top over her head. She lay naked before him, and he kissed her nipples lightly.

Kevin removed his own boxers, he took a condom from a drawer and Jessica took it from him, removing the coloured skin from its packet and gently sliding it onto his hard penis. He kissed her again, gently, before he allowed her to gently guide him inside of her.