“Stephen,” she said, following me. Her voice was one of concern, but I just did not care. I opened the door as I felt her gently grasp my other arm. I just shook it off as I entered the house and ran up the stairs on my way to my room. Slamming my door, I jumped onto my bed. Emotions were flooding my mind. A deep pang was growing inside. I couldn’t identify what I was actually feeling. I could not stand it. Anger boiled up from the inside until it overflowed, taking control over my actions. I could no longer think or reason. The only thing I wanted to do was satisfy my anger. I punched my bed as hard as I could a few times before grabbing my pillow and screaming into it as hard as I could. I hated how I was feeling. I had never felt that way before. I had no idea what I was specifically mad at. After all, it was all my fault. But was I really this angry at myself? Instantaneously, I shifted the blame to Tori. After all, she was the reason I got shot in the first place. If she didn’t try running away in the gas station, I wouldn’t have been in those God-forsaken diapers in the first place. But then, I remembered how much I cared about her and that I would jump in front of a bullet for her any day. Confused, I broke down into tears. Trembling, I rolled into a ball and gripped my pillow like my life depended on it.
After a couple minutes, I heard my door opening and I opened my eyes in time to see Tori enter the room. I felt ashamed and helpless. Only one word came across my mind: weak. I was nothing but a weak, helpless creature, at the mercy of those around him. I knew that Tori was going to dump me. I didn’t blame her. Why wouldn’t she? How could she associate herself with me after what happened? Tori slowly walked over to my bed and sat down next to me.
“Stephen, we need to talk,” she said, as if she was confirming my fears. “Look. I already knew you wore diapers.”
“What?” I asked, shocked. “How?”
“That day I visited you after you left the hospital, I saw you kick the package of diapers into your closet.”
“Wait, why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because I didn’t want to embarrass you. I figured you didn’t want me to know. You would’ve told me otherwise. I was just waiting for you to tell me yourself.”
“It doesn’t bother you at all that I wear diapers?”
“Of course not! I was beyond happy when I found out!” She said, adding to my already confused state.
“Why would you be happy?”
“Well, because I finally found another diaper lover!”
“A WHAT?” I asked, having no clue what was happening anymore.
“You don’t have to play stupid, Stephen. I’m not playing with you. I’m a diaper lover too!”
“Wait. I am NOT a diaper lover. I’m not even quite sure what that is.”
“Okay. Then how do you explain the diapers?”
“Hmm… Well, it MIGHT have SOMETHING to do with the fact that I can’t STOP PISSING MY PANTS!” I started to yell as anger started to take over again. “But it’s completely fine if you want to make fun of me if you want!”
“Wait. You’re incontinent?” She asked sheepishly after a short pause. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have-”
“OH, YEAH, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE ACCUSED ME OF LOVING DIAPERS?” I screamed, losing all control of my anger. “WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? A FUCKING BABY? IT’S ONE THING TO DUMP ME FOR A MEDICAL CONDITION, BUT DON’T PULL THIS SHIT ABOUT HOW YOU’VE KNOWN ALL ALONG AND THAT EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT. JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND FUCKING SAY IT!”
“Stephen, I know you’re upset, but I’m telling the truth.” Tori said, crying. “I honestly thought you were like me.”
“THAT I WAS LIKE YOU? SO NOW THINGS ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE I’M NOT SOME CREEP WHO FINDS ENJOYMENT FROM WEARING DIAPERS?”
“I never said that Stephen-”
“YOU KNOW THAT THE REASON WHY I CAN’T STOP MYSELF FROM PISSING MY PANTS IS BECAUSE I SAVED YOUR LIFE!” I screamed, instantly regretting saying it. Tori just stared at me in horror, tears streaming down her face.
“I’m sorry, Stephen. I didn’t know.”
“Well, sorry doesn’t cut it. Now I’m the laughing stock of the entire town, and you can’t even give me any support. Instead you have to go on this absurd tangent of my being a ‘diaper lover.’”
“I am trying to support you! I love you!” Her words pierced me right down to the heart. I was taken back. Love was a powerful word. Sure, we really liked each other, but neither of us ever told the other that we loved them. I felt a burning pain inside, regretting my fury, but I couldn’t retreat then. My pride was weakened a tremendous amount that night and couldn’t afford backing down.
“I don’t believe it,” I said bitterly, turning away from her. “I don’t want to see you right now. Just go home.”
“Fine. If you don’t want me around, I won’t burden you with my presence!” Tori said in a shaky voice. “And just for future advice, the next time you’re the joke of town, don’t throw the only people you have under the bus!”
Tori left and drove away. As I heard her car start, I broke down in tears again. A wave of sorrow and abandonment washed over me. I hated it because I knew it was all because of my own doing. Tori was right.