I don’t know how long I stared at her until she recognized that I was not going to respond and left the room. An hour or so later my parents checked me out and took me home. As soon as I walked through the door, I headed to the basement to play my guitar. My dad had to help me get down the stairs because I was so weak, but I finally was reunited to Leslie. That’s what I called my main guitar since it was a Les Paul. I had a knack of naming things I was attached to, and it didn’t seem right giving it a guy’s name.
At first, I was having a ball, rocking out to some of the songs I usually warmed up with, but after a little bit I lost any ambition to play. This was really odd. I hadn’t felt that way since eighth grade. Now that I was pretty good, I really enjoyed playing. For some reason, I just had no motivation. I was really glad to be home, but something just didn’t seem right. I tried blaming it on the diaper, but it wasn’t that. I felt cold inside, like something was missing. As I just sat there, idly holding my guitar, my thoughts shifted to Tori. I really wanted to see her. Granted there wasn’t much time for her to visit me, I was surprised she didn’t. You would think that you would visit someone in the hospital if they just saved your life. But that was it. It would almost be better if she just forgot the incident. Any visit or conversation she would have with me would just be obligatory to her. It would only be pity.
The next morning was like any ordinary day. And by ordinary, I mean awkward, uncomfortable, and completely abnormal. Something about waking up with a cold, soggy lump between my legs just didn’t seem right. Groggily, I proceeded to change myself. It was very awkward. I hadn’t even changed a baby before.
After the morning changing process, the day went fairly well, though. I had an excuse to be lazy and play video games for hours without moving from my chair. Time flew by as I mindlessly killed virtual bad guy after virtual bad guy. Finally, a little after two o’clock, my phone started singing it’s favorite ringtone. I quickly picked it up and saw that Tori was calling me. My heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, my tongue became dry as if I just took a three-hour hike in the desert without any water. Do girls like her know what they put guys through with just the simplest of actions? I even felt ashamed of myself for how much she was getting to me. I just stood there, gazing at my phone for a few seconds until I realized what I was doing. I quickly pulled myself back together and answered the phone
“Hello?”
“Hey Steve. It’s Tori.”
“Hey! Anything new?” I asked nervously.
“Eh. not much. Just had a friend save my life the other day.” she joked.
“Really? Is that so?” I played along.
“Yeah. I heard he just got out of the hospital yesterday. I was pretty bummed that I didn’t get a chance to visit him, though. Do you think he’d like it if I came over and talked to him?
“I think he’d love it.”
“I’d better head on over then. Do you by chance know his address?”
“You know, I’m pretty sure it’s 942 Mapleview lane.”
“Really? I thought Chris lived on the other side of town.” Tori said bluntly. I could tell she was joking, but I was still at a loss for words. I never was charismatic. “I’m just kidding, Steve. I’ll be right over.”
“OK Tori. See ya soon!” I said before hanging up. It was a very odd conversation, but that’s just one of the many things I loved about Tori. She could make anything awkward seem like it’s the coolest thing in the world. Sadly, I doubted that she could help me with my problem.
And that’s when it hit me. What if she found out that I was wearing a diaper? Should I avoid the awkward question of why I was wearing one, or should I just flat out tell her right away. Of all people, she’d have the right to know. She was directly connected in the chain of events that imprisoned me in them. Maybe she’d have some sympathy for me. But, then it popped up again. The single word that was haunting me even more so than the D-word: “Pity.”
If I told her everything, I would know that any time we’d spend together would be completely out of pity. I know this coming visit was already at least partially a guilt-trip, but wanting to repay someone for a single action eventually wears off. If she found out that this deed I did for her had lingering consequences, she’d surely feel obligated to spend more time with me. Sure, I just wanted to spend time with her, but I wanted to move our time together from obligatory to voluntary as quickly as possible. I decided I would tell her that there weren’t any repercussion from my heroics. I just hoped that she wouldn’t notice the diaper and not mention it, assuming I’ve always had bladder issues. Either way, I knew this was not going to be easy.
