Alex had had some serious issues over the last couple years before her dad moved out and went to drug and alcohol treatment the previous summer. He used to beat her mom up all the time and Jordan was pretty sure he did stuff to Alex as well but she didn’t ever hear what. Whenever something bad happened – and sometimes when it didn’t, Alex got like this. She would just go hysterical and couldn’t cope at all. She wouldn’t be crying – or screaming – just vibrating with activity and words.
It often approached a nervous breakdown or panic attack or something of the sort from Jordan’s 12-year-old point of view. In a few years, Jordan would learn that Alex had developed PTSD from the years of chaos and abuse in her home. The goofy risk-taking personality that Alex exhibited, Jordan would learn, was also a coping mechanism for her PTSD – it gave her a certain amount of control over her own life and an upper hand on other people. Acute trauma experienced herself or vicariously through others could throw her into episodes like this. Jordan didn’t know at the time that Alex had even been hospitalized in the psychiatric ward more than once for these kinds of adverse reactions to trauma.
“Breathe Alex, you’re going to be ok. It’s going to be fine. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.” She started saying rhythmically.
As Jordan said the words, she wasn’t even sure if she believed them to be true for herself, let alone anyone else. Were they going to be ok? Was dad ok? Why did he have to take off so early every day? Why couldn’t he stay home 20 extra minutes with our family? Why couldn’t help mom in the morning or eat breakfast with me or ask me how my day was? Why does he have to make his job the most important thing – and now – and now – is he dead because of his job?
Jordan started to cry as she held the phone. This whole time despite her pleads, Alex hadn’t stopped her incoherent ramble. When she heard Jordan crying, the monologue shifted to match and she began to sob as well. The two cried without solving anything or trading information or making a plan until “call waiting” beep started beeping on Jordan’s end of the line. Her heart started pounding intensely once again.