My head hurts and I am truly tired in a way I had not been before.
I am ill. I am sick in my soul at what I have done.
I finally enter my room. Nana is there waiting eagerly for me to return.
She runs to me and picks me up and hugs and kisses me tenderly.
She exclaims, “Miki baby I missed you so much!”
She knows something is badly wrong. I am not my usual happy self.
Nana asks, “Miki baby, what’s wrong?”
I look at Nana for a second, I wrap my arms around her neck and cry hysterically.
My heart breaks in grief for the lives I have destroyed.
Nana holds me tenderly.
She is totally lost as to what to do.
She has never seen me in this condition before and is totally unable to console me with anything she tries.
She takes a small object from her pocket.
She touches my collar with it, My mind relaxes and I sleep. I am released from my soul deep grief and find peace in the soft darkness of sleep.
I woke up early before Nana had come to the nursery.
I get out of bed.
I am wearing the outfit mommy had put me in when she put me to bed after Nana had neurolized me to sleep.
I am wearing a short powder blue princess baby dress with matching rumba panties and a diaper.
I hear soft back ground music playing. It is really soothing.
I walk to the rocking chair.
I sit in it and pull my knees up, wrap my arms around them, and think.
I am still grief stricken.
Some information I am realizing is kept from me, I will have to discover why.
I look around the room. It is some kind of fantasy.
Maybe a dream like Larry said to me once.
I still have the memories of being John. I think of Earth.
I wonder what it is like this many centuries later.
I look at the Guardians on my wrists.
They are a genetic part of me.
With their help, I am in Direct Admin Control of the most powerful force ever created by mankind.
I wonder why it was me who mysteriously had the Admin Genes in my makeup.
How is it I just happen to be Emperess too.
There are a lot of these kinds of … coincidences in my life.
I hold my hand out flat.
A small sphere of multi-colored light appears there and glows brightly.
I wonder at this and many of the other things that just happen to do exactly what it is I want it to do without any conscious thought.
I close my hand and the light vanishes.
I reach up and touch my collar.
It is still firmly attached and is a permanent part of my genetic makeup.
I wonder how Master Controller manages to arrange everything with such precision.
I wonder if this dream machine accident was an accident.
I remember the reality of the fantasies it created.
I wonder if I am not lost in one now and that is the accident.
I wonder if maybe Father’s aircraft was damaged and is inoperable except for the dream machine and I am the only survivor.
The dream machine’s function is to keep me alive, healthy, and to occupy me until such time as the ship reaches it’s preprogrammed destination.
If it were seriously damaged and no one could find it, It will never reach any destination and I will never be released.
I look at the clock. It is 2:40 in the morning.
I look around the nursery and see mommy in bed sleeping.
She has her arms around Lisa now that I got up and no am longer there for her to cuddle with.
I call up my Guardian data base and request the stored … Things to remember file.
Instead, I hear a click … It’s Master Controller.
It says in its strange alien voice, “Good morning Miss Anton.”
Me, “I feel I am owed an explanation … don’t you think?”
It, “Ask … it is given.”
Me, “Ok, but you still know what I’m wanting. I expect you to tell me with no sleepy time.”
It replied with friendly amusement, “As you wish, Emperess.”
Me, “Let’s start with the accident. My life began with those memories. I remember the accident.”
It, “The malfunction of the dream machine.”
I am silent … I want an explanation. I know it knows what depth I want to be informed as well.
It then told me a story. I was shocked.
The head of the Imperial armada had run when the first Thrnoxian Demand for surrender came.
Because of this cowardice, I almost died of the explosion caused in the battle between my daddy’s ship and his.
He warned no one of the impending invasion.
He ran.