Even the word itself could get him going; the word “diapers” had the same effect. They were mantras of sorts to him. During his pillow humping sessions he would often repeat those words to himself in his head, sometimes even muttering them softly under his breath until he reached climax, then it would all end, and the shame would rush in.
He was conflicted. The pleasure derived from diapers overpowered his sense of “normality” inside himself he felt isolated, always asking the question “why do I like diapers…Am I crazy?” and ultimately “Am I the only one?” In time, he would understand that the diapers gave him a sense of calm, safety, and total relaxation, along with the deep sexual satisfaction. For the time being, as a 16 year old approaching what many believed to be the male sexual peak, the “sexual satisfaction” component of his diaper fascination was all he could think of.