“They’re high for a boy.” his mother reiterated, “But if you can dance in them… they mustn’t be too high for you.”
Peter looked at his foot, clad in his sister’s feminine tap shoe and thin white pop sock. He hadn’t really given the style a second thought… but thinking about it, maybe they are a bit girlie.
One wall of the studio is one big mirror in which Peter could see the entire class, dancing away in four long rows. All are dressed identically and he is definitely one of them. Seemingly all of the older girls have their hair tied tightly in a bun. Whereas bunches are common on those his own age or younger. He becomes conscious of his own mopped hair that just flops up and down… much like his exceedingly short skirt. “One, two, three, on-the. Beat, two, three, four. Good, two, three, four.” the teacher claps
The sound of some 20-30 pairs of feet, all tapping away in near-perfect rhythm fills his senses. He closed his eyes for a moment and just danced and listened to the sound. “This is awesome.” he thought as he opened his eyes. He looked at the reflection of the entire class and for a brief moment he wondered which one’s me? “…two, three, on-the. Beat, two three, four. Good, two, three…” the teacher continued as she paced up and down.
The only thing that set him apart from all these girls was his white knee-high pop socks (they all wore tights) and his hair. Their skirts flicked up way beyond the knicker line just as his did. If it wasn’t for his leotard, he and all the other girls would be flashing their underwear at the end of every fourth bar! He knew he should feel more embarrassed than he does in his short bouncy skirt, but seeing as this is part and parcel of a tap-dancing class, it’s fine. “…two, three, on, the-Beat, two, three, good” the teacher claps as Peter tries to keep up.
He looks at his feet and listens to the beat… making sure he taps in time. His short bouncy skirt sways this way and that and he wonders why boys don’t wear shorts instead. He looked back to the mirror and took in the entire scene of dancing feet and bouncing skirts once more. He imagined he’d look out of place out if he was the only one not wearing a skirt. “On the beat Peter… good! Three, four” the dance teacher clapped, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“…three, four. Use your arms Carol, four. its-Not river dance, four. Like, me, three, four. Good Peter…” she went on. Peter did feel very self-conscious being the only boy in a room full of girls, but every time he glanced in the mirror he knew he didn’t stand out too much. He was only one small part of a tap-dancing troupe and was enjoying every minute of it.
“Oh there’s no need to apologize, Peter… you’ve done nothing wrong.” the teacher reassures. Their attention is drawn by a group of girls leaving and waving bye-bye specifically to Peter. He blushes, not knowing what to make of it; teasing or friendly… who can tell?
Peter looks at his sister, then his reflection. “I’m such an idiot.” he moans.
“Bye Peter!” echoes across the studio once more.
Peter looks for the source of the sound and waves shyly in the general direction of the door. He looks back at himself in the mirror, then to his sister. “You could have said something.”
“When?” Sally asks.
“When I came out.”
After a pause, she replies, “I said you looked nice.”
“But you could have said…” Peter began.
“Hey, Sally?” A voice called from across the room. “Is your brother coming next week?”
“Think so,” Sally replies, before turning back to her brother. “I’m sorry Peter… I figured it was best to pretend it was normal… otherwise, I’d have embarrassed you.”
“I think your sister did the right thing, Peter…” Miss Baxter says, “…drawing attention to your error would have made you feel ten times more self-conscious than you looked.” she explained. “But judging by the way the girls have acted towards you, being a boy…” she says, knowing how mean they can be. “…I think they’re quite impressed,”
“How do you mean?”
“Well, on the rare occasion a boy joins… they tend to act cocky and show off… as if they’re somehow better than the girls… you know what boys can be like.”
Peter listens and agrees… so far.
“Thing is most girls don’t stand for that and soon bring them down to size… you know what girls are like.” She steps around him and looks him up and down, from his low heeled black Mary Jane’s and white knee-high pop socks. His pale white legs and short black circle skirt. His short-sleeved leotard and blond moppy hair. “I think by joining the class as you did and not being all ‘boyish’ is the best thing you could’ve done.” Miss Baxter tells him.
“Bye Pete!” another voice calls.
“See what I mean? The girls have already accepted you.” Miss Baxter smiles. “Although I’m sure you’d rather wear shorts next week, I think it would be wise to wear the leotard again.” she smiles as she places her hands on his shoulders, hoping to reassure him.
“I think you should too,” Sally says. “You were worried that you wouldn’t fit in and you don’t look silly at all.”
“I don’t know.” Peter sighed, looking down at himself again. “I figured that boys don’t come because they didn’t want to wear a skirt. But when we were dancing, I kept looking at us all in the mirror and it just seemed ‘right’.” he explained. “…but I just feel like an idiot now.” he blushed
“Well it’s an easy mistake to make Peter.” Sally said, “…and Miss Baxter’s right… I think the girls have warmed to you because… like…” she paused, “…because they see you as one of us. Not just another boy.”
“But it was a mistake.”
Peter returns to the changing room and leaves the skirt and leotard as he found them. It all seemed so innocent when he removed them from the hook an hour ago, just as the tap shoes he’s been wearing seem innocent enough… to him at least. It doesn’t matter as long as they’re tap shoes, he thought as he carefully wound his pop socks around his outstretched fingers, and put them with the tap shoes in his bag. Back in his own clothes, he exits the changing room and joins his sister. They leave the studio and walk around the block to the car park where their mother should be waiting. Another couple of girls from the tap dancing class wave a greeting to Peter as they climb into their parent’s car. Shyly he waves back and comments that they haven’t changed out of their dance gear.
“Lots of them don’t.” Sally replied. “I think the skirts are a bit short for street wear.” she adds glancing around the car park. “No sign of mum.” she observes, before suggesting they wait on the wall. After a brief silence, and sensing that her brother is still feeling a little embarrassed, she asks. “So, apart from the mix up… did you enjoy it?”
“Yeah.” he replied. “I enjoyed it right up until I realized that I wasn’t supposed to wear the leotard that was hanging in the changing room!”
Sally grinned the broadest of grins. “So… you enjoyed it all the way from the beginning to the end?” Peter glumly nodded. “That’s great!” she said.
“You could have said something at the beginning though,” he replied.
“I know… but I didn’t know how to say it,” Sally replied. “Nobody else said anything so I thought it best not to say anything either.”
With a little prompt from their mother, Peter follows his sister to her room where she routes out a pair of tights for him. She lifts her skirt to show him they should go ‘under’ his leotard.
“I know!” he blushes.
She asks him if he knows how to put tights on, before demonstrating how to gather them up to the toe and to pull them on carefully, “Otherwise you’ll ladder them.”
“I’ll buy you some of your own for next week.” his mother suggests.
“Aren’t they expensive?” Peter asked.
“Not at all.” his mother smiled. “The shoes are but we can easily afford a leotard and some tights.”
The following Saturday, Peter and his sister go to their tap class and Peter attends wearing his sister’s old tap shoes and his own leotard, circle skirt, and tights. He was self-conscious at first but the girls didn’t seem at all bothered. In fact, half of them said it was nice to see him back, which left Peter feeling warm inside.
The class is more or less the same; starting with a warm-up and stretching, followed by a variety of basic routines. Miss Baxter claps the timing and shouts instructions, frequently reminding Peter to concentrate on keeping his head still. It’s easier said than done when ones feet are tapping away, but he tries his best.
After a short break, Miss Baxter drags a very large bag from the store room. “Right girls,” she announces, pulling the bag open. “We’ll do some pompom practice for the last half hour… so if you each grab a pair, we’ll get started.”
“Pompoms?!” Peter quizzes as he and Sally approach what looks like a huge pile of tinsel.
“Yes, pompoms.” Sally grins.
Back in line, Peter looks at the reflection of the four rows of dancing girls, each holding a pair of big pompoms. “Now follow my lead girls!” Miss Baxter says, before pressing play in the cassette player.
Peter soon realizes that dancing with pompoms is harder than it looks. Miss Baxter walks over and gives him some one-to-one tuition, “Follow my lead Peter, and don’t forget about your feet.” she says. He tries to keep up but struggles to do one thing with his feet and another with his arms. “Concentrate on the steps but don’t forget about your arms.” she reminds him. “Head up Peter… and remember, the mirror is your friend.”
Peter knows he has a habit of looking down. He looks straight ahead at his own reflection; one of many girls in a bouncy skirt, waving his pompoms as best he can. He drops his head again to concentrate on his footwork, but Miss Baxter shouts “Head up Peter!” After the pompom practice, Peter confesses to Sally that that was really hard.
Once the class is over, Miss Baxter approaches Peter and says she’s pleased he decided to return and wanted to double-check that he was happy dressing as a girl.
“It makes sense,” Peter replied, before telling her that his mother had bought him his own leotard, skirt, and tights.
“Oh!” Mrs Baxter seemed surprised. “I thought you’d worn the one I’d left in the changing room for you,” she said. Peter bashfully shook his head. “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy… just don’t get offended if I forget you’re a boy and refer to the whole class as ‘girls’, which I do tend to do.” she smiled.
Miss Baxter then offered him some constructive criticism. “Whilst your footwork is excellent, you need to be more aware of your upper body. Your head and arms are all over the place, so you need to concentrate on being graceful as well as rhythmic.”
“I know… I can’t help but look at my feet half the time,” he replies.
“Yes I noticed.. but remember you can see your feet perfectly well in the mirror.” she advises. “..along with the rest of your body. Grace is everything so if you’re looking directly ahead, you’re halfway to being graceful”
“OK.”
“I think part of the problem is that you’re a little bit scared of your reflection.” Miss Baxter suggests. “The best advice I can give you is, don’t by shy when you look in the mirror and see a girl reflected instead of a boy. Be proud and keep that head up.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have bought him a leotard and skirt if I wasn’t.” his mother replied, trying to spot both her son and daughter amongst the various groups of girls. All of them are identical in their black tap shoes, white tights, black leotards, and tiny flared skirts. “How does she tell them apart?” she thought before spotting Peter and Sally by the changing rooms, both looking just like the other girls; all legs and leotards. “He’s been practicing at home a fair bit… have you any advice on where he can improve?”
“He seems a little reluctant to work with the mirror.” Miss Baxter adds. “I think seeing himself dressed as a girl is a little off-putting… he keeps dropping his head, then his arms go all akimbo.”
“Well I suppose it’ll take a little getting used to… but he does seem comfortable enough.” his mother replies. “I’ve even started wondering what to do with his hair. He really needs a trim but I’m thinking I should let it grow a little more then he could tie it up in bunches.” she chuckled, not sure if she was joking or not.