Karen laid down in her bathtub.

Moments after  Karen felt a twinge of guilt.

She always felt guilt at this time.

It seemed like a routine with her with diapers.

She’d always wet them until they leaked, and then feel guilty about what she had done.

She felt guilty just like when her mom yelled at her.

Or maybe it was different.

She felt guilty like she did when her friend Summer wet her sleeping bag. I

t was detached guilt, a combination of empathy and guilt all at the same time.

It was an emotion she could feel no other way.

It was fun in a way;

it was a novelty,

but it certainly wasn’t satisfying.

It wasn’t the same as snuggling with someone on the couch or cooking dinner from someone you love.

Karen knew this.

She knew diapers couldn’t make her happy.

But she still felt attracted to the diapers.

Why?

Why do I do this?

Karen asked herself.

Partly she knew the answer,

partly she didn’t.

Maybe it was because her first experience was with Summer in high school.

Karen and Summer had been drinking.

Well, that’s an understatement.

Karen and Summer were drunk.

Karen’s parents were out of town and they had each downed 3 wine coolers.

This may not seem like a lot,

but when you never drink and you drink 3 wine coolers in 2 hours,

well let’s just say you get drunker than you think you are.

Summer and Karen were sitting on Karen’s double bed and Summer asked Karen if she had ever done certain things to herself.

Karen said she didn’t know-how.

The truth was, Karen, didn’t dare think about it.

Her mom had told her many times that certain acts were a sin,

but here was Summer,

drunk on her bed, talking about these things.

Karen was fascinated and still a little drunk.

Karen lay down next to Summer’s sleeping body

So Karen laid there and stared at Summer sleeping next to her.

She remembered the night when Summer wet her sleeping bag.

She kept picturing Summer standing there with wet pajama bottoms

 

From then on, Karen just associated certain acts with the thought of wetting.

It didn’t make a lot of sense.

It didn’t even explain all her feelings.

But Summer rarely was able to lose herself without thinking about some sort of wetting accident.

Despite her encounter with Summer,

Karen didn’t consider herself to be a lesbian.

But the thought of being in wet pants thrilled her on far more than any encounter with a man.

 

So part of Karen’s love of diapers and wetting was carnal, but part of it wasn’t.

Part of it was the adrenaline rush.

Part of it was the risk of doing something wrong and getting away with it.

And as Karen lay there in her leaking purple-trimmed underjams,

she wondered how she could get that part back.

How could she feel the risk she once felt when she first wore a diaper in public? Where was the adrenaline rush?

Karen showered and crawled into bed,

still trying to imagine what she could do for fun.

Where could she get an adrenaline rush?

Karen used to feel an adrenaline rush.

She remembered the first time she did something related to wetting.

Shortly after the incident with Summer, Karen had been fantasizing about wetting her pants in public.

Finally, she worked up a scheme where she would go into the mall bathroom and pretend her zipper was stuck.

Then she would pee her pants in front of someone.

It was bold, it was exciting, and it didn’t happen.

She stood in the bathroom for 20 minutes and no one came in. Finally,

she decided to pee her pants anyway.

After she peed, she went into a stall and started changing into dry jeans and panties that she had brought in her school backpack.

Just then a mom came in with a little girl and they noticed the pee on the floor.

Girl, “What’s that?”

Mom, “Somebody peed on the floor honey. It’s icky. Let’s walk around it.”

A few years later Karen tried a wetting incident again and got yelled at by a security guard.

Both incidents certainly got Karen’s adrenaline rushing,

but when she moved to college, the idea of wearing a diaper was more exciting than the idea of wetting herself.

Karen experimented with everything from Poise Pads to Depends to Poise Underwear to Super Maxis to Girl’s Pullups to Girl’s Goodnites.

Each was its own thrill.

For awhile she particularly enjoyed the thrill of Poise Pads because she could often pee more than they would hold.

She enjoyed wearing a skirt or dress in public and wondering whether she would get a leak down her leg

or whether the Pad would be able to keep up with her wetting.

Would she get caught?

Would anyone notice?

That was an adrenaline rush.

Karen even began writing stories on the ABDL storyboard that included many of her biggest wetting fantasies.

Her stories mostly involved elaborate wettings, and just writing these events excited her.

(This was around the time that Flashbacks was written.

But this is totally coincidental.)

Eventually, Karen tried pooping in a diaper in public.

She tried to work up the courage to do it in front of people but she couldn’t.

She could only do it while standing about 100 yards away from anyone.

It was a thrill, but far too messy, and not even remotely erotic.

But then Karen graduated from college,

got a job,

started visiting her sister’s kids,

and basically tried to drop the habit of thinking about wetting or wearing diapers.

The truth was, she had gotten bored with wetting and she couldn’t quite get the same adrenaline rush she once had.

Karen lay in bed trying to envision a new diapered adventure.

It seemed so difficult now.

How easy the fantasies flew off the page when she had written stories a few short years ago.

Where had the ideas gone? Where was the thrill?

Where was the adventure?

As Karen lay there under the covers,

she felt the need to pee again.

Even though she had thrice wet a pair of underjams and taken a shower,

the liter of Diet Pepsi was still working its way through her system.

She went in the bathroom and pulled out a new underjam from the package.

This one was completely purple,

the alternate design.

She put it on and contemplated trying to wet the bed that night.

After all, she still had to pee.

If she could just fall asleep, then maybe she could have some fun.

But Karen knew she could not fall asleep when she had to pee this badly.

She could not have a “real accident” but she could have a pretend one.

Karen laid down on her mattress and slowly attempted to relax her bladder.

Um, hello. Karen thought to herself.

This was weird, she really had to pee but she couldn’t seem to go.

Karen tried to push some more.

Still nothing.

It seemed like her body did not want to release when she was laying in her nice bed with her high thread-count sheets.

Finally, Karen leaned slightly upright.

The slightly more seated position allowed her bladder to release and she quickly felt herself peeing into the Underjam.

And what’s this? Karen felt something wet on her leg as well.

The Underjam wasn’t keeping up with the speed of her urine.

Karen stood up and noticed a three-inch wet spot where she was once sitting.

Rats, Karen thought to herself.

Well, as long as her sheets were wet,

she might as well lay back down anyhow.

Karen left her diaper on and tried to fall asleep.

Tomorrow, an adrenaline rush, she decided!