Hello, all!
So I’m at a fun point in my life where the majority of my close friends and all of my immediate family know about my dressing up, and, thankfully, all seem super cool with it.
At this point, I feel like I’ve told everyone who is remotely important to me, but then I guess there’s… everyone else. Primarily talking about Facebook here. Like all the mutual acquaintances or friends of friends I’ve met in various social circles over the last few years. All the old school/Uni friends, who I haven’t really been in any meaningful contact with since leaving them. People I work with, both directly and indirectly, from my current job and previous…
I know some of them know too but it’s getting hard to keep track of, and, as I suspect you will all understand from experience, coming out can be quite an emotionally exhausting thing to do over and over.
What I’m thinking of doing is just a mass coming out post, shared across all “platforms” (god, I sound like a douchey influencer). Kinda like a “so here’s the deal…” post with a bit of an FAQ at the end. Then, BOOM, I’m just 100% out, and if anyone else hops into my life, they just get pure unfiltered me from Day One.
There may be a “if you don’t like it, there’s the door, but also maybe think about why and what this really changes” sentiment somewhere in the post, though I’d rather not descend what is intended to be a positive confession about my life into overt hostility.
I’m not going to include a picture, but I will leave the door open for potentially sharing one in future for everyone who is still on board.
Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on doing all this? Anything I should include or avoid? As I said, I’m not too bothered about losing people over this, as I’ve already told everyone that really matters to me.
Thanks! X
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Just prior to going fulltime I told the immediate
people in my life who needed to know.
Apart from that anyone else found out on the grape vine
and I didn’t really disclose to anybody after that.
I didn’t want to make a fuss about it so I didn’t.
And you, is it important that everyone knows business?
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I just changed my FB name and carried on as normal. Like you I told family and close friends anybody else just learn as when the topic comes up.
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I just told my Close friends and family. The word gets around on its own then. I haven’t lost any friends over it. Would be their loss not mine in any case.
Love to see you dressed up playing bass in your group.
Fiona
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Don’t you find, once you’ve told the first couple of people and you have had no bad reaction, you just want to shout it from the roof tops.
It gives you such freedom to just be yourself around everyone.
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Hi Jessica
As you have probably found, coming out isn’t a single event, it’s a continuous process. The social media seems to be a good place to start, but you may be opening yourself up to the keyboard warriors. I would ask if that is necessary.
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, you only need to be you.
Love Lucy xx
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Thanks, everyone! Some great advice here.
I think I definitely fall somewhere between the “let them find out naturally” vs “shout it from the rooftops” camps! I’m not going full time but my dressing up is something I’m proud of and want to share more openly.
As y’all have said, it is more for me than for them, and tbh it would be quite nice for the odd keyboard warrior to oust themselves from my circle, knowing that those close to me have my back. Maybe that’s a little sociopathic, but perhaps that’s just what it takes in the short term.
It’s a weird situation, so I really appreciate everyone’s thoughts 🙂
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I think you need to be careful how you word it. People might wonder if you’re going full time or be curious if you’re transitioning. Its about hitting the right spot between ‘I don’t think some of you have met my female alter ego (picture)’ and ‘Here’s my life story and my plans for the next 20 years”.
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If you’re ready for it, go for it!
It would take away the opportunity for anybody to ask why you were hiding it, keeping it from them etc.
It would be a huge public presentation of you being proud of yourself.
You never know, you might uncover a like minded soul in your circle of contacts.
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Just to follow on from this, the response to the news has been overwhelmingly positive. Almost half of the people I know have messaged and commented with their sentiments of support.
I was expecting some major drop off, but not a single person has unfriended me or sent anything that could be perceived as a jab or negative take.
I suppose my advice to anyone else thinking of doing the same is to just go for it. I really just feel like I can 100% be myself around anyone now and I’ve smiling from ear to ear ever since.
I’m aware that I’ve been incredibly lucky with this outcome, and part of that may be down to the kind of circles that I generally run in, but keeping secrets for life might sometimes feel harder than having somebody potentially turn their back on you, short term or long term.
I’ve reconnected with a bunch of people who I haven’t spoken to in years, some of whom are keen to meet Jess. I haven’t even shared a photo yet but lots of people are asking to see some, so hopefully I don’t disappoint them!
This has turned into quite a gushing happy post, but I learned a long time ago that it really is best to celebrate our happiness when we have it, even if it can be fleeting!
Thank you to everyone who reached out over this