I’d wet the bed and Mum…
or whoever…
was really angry with me.
She said she’d take me to the chemists to buy some big boy’s nappies and,
said I’d have to wear them for bed.
Then we were in the chemists…
the one on the high street with all the mobility aids in the window…
but they didn’t have any big boy’s nappies
“Peter!” my mother exclaimed when I turned the tape off.
“I don’t want to listen any more…
this is freaky…
I don’t even remember that one!”
I retorted.
“I think it’s important that you do listen Peter.” my mother said.
I told her that I didn’t want her listening to this kind of shit’.
“Language Peter!” she snapped.
“I’ve already heard it.”
she reminded me.
“Which is why I know that you should hear it too.”
“OK… but please…
can’t I listen on my own in my room?”
I asked.
“With headphones on,” I added.
“I think it’s best that we listen together, then talk about it…
then you can listen to it on your own if you want,” she replied.
She smiled and held her hand out.
I gave her the cassette and gulped as she put it in and pressed the ‘play’ button.
playing musical statues and my party dress is sort of…
floating around me.
It’s really hard to stand still…
“Ooops… wrong side.”
my mother said as she pushed the auto-reverse button.
street with all the mobility aids in the window
but they didn’t have any big boy’s nappies,
only girls ones.
I glanced at my mother who raised an eyebrow.
Now I hear it
I do vaguely recall a dream involving girls’ nappies.
I gulped and hung my head as the cassette rolled on,
revealing details of my dreams that even I can’t recall
well not whilst fully conscious anyway.
and bought a huge pack,
too big for a carrier bag.
I had to carry them through town and everyone knew.
When we got home I put them in my drawer.
Each one had a different picture on the front;
a princess, a kitten,
a teddy bear,
a butterfly.
Loads of different designs
Mum told me to choose my favorite to put under my pillow,
ready for bedtime.
And did you have to wear one Peter?
I don’t know.
I think so.
I remember choosing one and Mum telling me it was ‘nice’,
then she gave me a pair of see-through rubber knickers with frilly trim and I complained that they were too girlie
I think it ended there.
Possibly.
Any other dreams you’d like to tell us about?
There are lots of school ones.
School ones?
Dreams about going to school dressed as a girl
there’s one where I go to school in Scotland and have to wear a kilt because that’s the uniform.
Do you have this particular dream often Peter?
Sort of
it’s always a bit different. Sometimes it’s a normal skirt or one of those school dresses they wear on Neighbours.
Are your dreams often about going to school and wearing an er… girl’s uniform?
Not always.
Sometimes It’s a swimming lesson but I’m wearing a costume because I forgot my trunks.
One week the Scoutmaster was sick so we had to go to Guides instead.
And you dressed like the other Guides?
We had to.
So it wasn’t just you…
it was all the other boys too?
Yes. I think so. I can’t remember.
“Are you going to make me listen to all of this?”
I glumly asked. My mother nodded.
“Have you any idea how shameful it is for me?!”
“I can imagine that it’s not pleasant
but it’s important that you hear it.”
“I’d rather destroy it and forget about it.”
“Oh I’m sure you would Peter…
but forgetting about it will be easier said than done.” she retorted.
“The only way we’re going to get to the bottom of this is to tackle it head-on.”
I hung my head. I guess she’s right.
I turned back into the uncomfortable revelations emanating from the cassette player.
cousin’s back garden there’s a fish pond.
I don’t know how but I fell in.
We only went for the day so I didn’t have a change of clothes and had to wear one of my cousin’s dresses whilst my clothes dried on the washing line.
He did fall in that pond once
but I can assure you he didn’t..
Try not to interrupt his chain of thought. Peter?
Yes?
Could you tell us about any other dreams where you’ve ended up wearing girl’s clothes?
Yes. I
’m trying to convince a teacher that I’m in the wrong class because this one’s full of girls.
Then I try to convince her that I’m in the wrong school because this one’s full of girls.
I tell her I’m a boy and shouldn’t be here, and she tells me that lots of boys go to girl’s schools. T
hen I realize I’m wearing the same uniform as the girls and I take my seat.
But I’m still angry because the teacher keeps calling us girls and she knows
“It’s an interesting theme isn’t it?”
my mother smugly stated as the tape ended.
I couldn’t rely.
The blood was rushing to my head and I’m certain I must have been purple with embarrassment.