In deference to my sex, however, I know nothing about football – especially the offside rule
Must be different parts of the country, as you suggest. I’m a Londoner by birth and upbringing, even though I now live at Bletchley Park. Both my schools were in what is now the London Borough of Brent, although in those days it was the borough of Willesden: I recall that our esteemed contributor is familiar with those parts.
I’m glad that you were good at maths, though seriously unimpressed that you can’t read a knitting pattern (I can!)
No, there wasn’t much serious misbehaviour at my primary school either, or at least not much that we knew about. One rather obvious case was when a boy set off the fire alarm and we all had to assemble on the playground; the boy was caned for that.