We used to play Schools. I was always the teacher and would give the class very difficult questions like multiply 487012 by 568 and who wrote Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony? When they got the answers wrong, I gave them a choice of punishment. Most kiddies opted for six from my hand across their knickers.

I must make it clear that we were all children of primary school age, so there is no need to alert the Social Services gits.