Mum picked it up and said it looked a bit… kinky. “What’s it made from?” she asked.
“Some sort of satin I guess…” I replied. “…with a little bow just…” I placed my had in the centre of my chest.
Mum smiled at me and told me that most bras have a bow there. “Did you dream about actually getting into this thing?” she asked as she looked at my rough sketch. “I’m can’t work out how you’d put it on… or what stops it from being removed.” she said as she put my sketch down in front of me.
“I dunno, I was just wearing it.” I replied. I cocked my head and studied my sketch, trying to work out how it would work.
“And knickers too… I recall.” Mum asked. I frowned and nodded. She asked me to describe them. “They sound like control knickers.” she said. “Blue too?” she asked. I nodded. “Nice.” she smiled.
“They really weren’t” I replied. “I know it was just a dream but… I was wearing them and they were really really tight.”
“Control knickers are supposed to be tight.” she casually informed me.
The kettle boiled and mum spent a moment making two cups of instant coffee whilst I reflected on the morning’s events. “Are you absolutely sure that you don’t think about wearing… when you’re awake?”
“No.” I insisted. “I mean, only after a dream when I think… what the f… was all that about?” I told her. “I don’t sit around day dreaming about being a girl.”
Whether Mum believes me of not I don’t know. Under the circumstances, I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. “Hmm.” she said. “…but you do fall asleep and dream about being a girl… or at least dressing like one.”
I gulped. “I know and I wish I didn’t.”
“I know what you’re going to say Peter… but maybe if you did have some of the…”
“No.”
“I haven’t even finished yet.”
“I know but you’re going to say ‘if I had some girls clothes and wore them, then I might stop dreaming about them.‘…” I bluntly replied. “…and the answer’s a definite ‘no’.”
“Hmm… because when I asked you under hypnosis, it was a definite ‘I don’t know’.” she reminded me.
“Which is a long way from ‘yes’.” I quickly retorted. “It’s not even a maybe.” I added for good measure.
“A maybe is precisely what it was.” my mother claimed.
I didn’t like that way this was going. “Given the choice, I think I’d rather dream about it than actually do it.”
“Yes I suppose.” my mother conceded. She cast her eyes over my sketch for a moment. “This isn’t a bad sketch you know… I like the little bow detail.” she smiled. “Very nice.”
“I only drew that because it had one.” I said. I peered at the design and all the strapping. “I think all these are to stop the shoulder straps being dropped. It’d be too tight to pull off like a vest and you wouldn’t be able to pull it down over the waist and step out of it.”
“Possibly.” Mum said. “Was it one of those really vivid dreams that you thought was real even after you woke up?” she asked.
“It was vivid but as soon as I woke up I knew it was just a dream… a very. weird. dream.”
“You can say that again.” Mum replied. “So how did it feel… in the dream?” she asked. “And was it me that made you wear it?”
“I think so.” I replied. “All I remember is how tight it felt… and that I shouldn’t be wearing it.”
“Even though I’d told you that you had to wear it?” she asked.
I nodded. “Weird huh?”
“It is very strange.” my mother agreed.