“Your 35th birthday is just two and a half weeks ago,” Mom said.
“I know,” I snapped back. “You don’t have to remind me I am middle aged now.”
“Well that isn’t exactly what I meant,” she replied. “It has been a long time and I just thought it was time I got to know you better.”
“You’re my mother, how much better can you get to know me?”
“Well I know the male you were born, but I don’t know my daughter Beth at all.”
“What are you saying Mom?”
“What I am saying is your announcement of a few months ago took me back a little but I have been thinking about all of it and if it is a part of you then I should know that part as well so I am inviting my daughter Beth to come and spend her birthday weekend with me, that is if she game for it.”
“No lectures?” I asked.
“N, just an honest attempt to not to try to understand but to accept this piece of you, is that OK?”
“Well my birthday is on a Sunday so why don’t I take a few extra days and come up Thursday night and stay through to Monday?” I said. “I have a butt load of vacation time still from last year not to mention this year’s and they are all over me to take some.”
“That would be lovely” Mom said with an obvious sparkle in her voice. “I do have one stipulation though.”
“What’s that?” I said wondering what it could be.
“I only want to see my daughter Beth.”
“Meaning what?”
“From the time she gets here on Thursday evening until she leaves Monday it is Beth and Beth alone.”
“Why?” I asked.
“I have had all these years to get to know and try to establish some form of a relationship with my son, it is time I had the same chance with my daughter,” Mom replied. “What’s the matter, never been out of the house?”
“Of course I have, it’s just that …”
“Damn it now,” Mom cursed at me. “You drop a bomb on me back a couple of months ago asking my love and acceptance, now give me a chance to at least try Beth.”
I froze. She called me Beth! I knew deep in my heart she was right but I was scared, not sure of what exactly whether it was rejection, ridicule, or allowing myself to be seen out there, but I was scared. Still I knew what I had to do.
“Are you sure?” I asked feeling my legs shaking.
“Yes, just a Mom and daughter weekend,” she replied. “That is if you are ready for it.”
“Yes.”
“Good, I’ll see you on Thursday October 20th Beth.”
We said our good byes and I changed and went to bed but couldn’t fall asleep. So many things danced through my head as I lay there. Yes I had been out many times as Beth but never for a long weekend and when I traveled I always had some sort of a safety net. I knew Mom would expect me to stay with her so there would be no turning back. I knew deep in my heart this was what I had hoped for when I told her but now that is was presented to me I was scared as a 5 year old on their first day of school.
The next two weeks were filled with getting ready to meet my Mother as her daughter. I made sure everything I wanted was clean and pressed; I even sent my favorite wig out to be washed and styled. I decided to get a pair of jeans and a pair of Lady Reeboks, both firsts for Beth Thankfully I only wore a woman’s size 9 so shoe shopping was not as bad as it is for a lot of girls. I arranged to take that Friday and Monday off to be at Mom’s as well as the Thursday before to get ready and the Tuesday after to relax after getting home. The final weekend before my journey I went to the mall in my new jeans and Reeboks, I fit in so well it almost scared me. During this shopping foray I decided I needed some slacks so I got a pair of black dress slacks, women’s of course, as well as a pair of black flats to wear with them. After all if I wanted Mom to see me as her 35-year-old daughter I better dress the part!
