I awoke to a tugging sensation. iPod still blaring, I opened my eyes. Various objects blurred across my vision, slowly going into focus. As the images began to clear up, I felt stinging pain in my lower region as the nurse pulled out the catheter. I let out an audible grunt.

“Oh. Sorry.” the nurse apologized. “You’re leaving today, so we needed to take out the catheter. I know it hurts a bit, so I tried to do it while you were asleep.”

“That’s OK. It just startled… wait… It’s Monday already? I must’ve fallen asleep at four o’clock yesterday.” I responded as the nurse put various things away. For some reason, I wasn’t too annoyed that someone was pulling that tube out of me while I was sleeping.

“Yup. You were out like a rock. You’re body needs all that rest to heal. The medication you’re on doesn’t help much either. Doctor Morrison was already in and checked on you and said that you could go home today, unless you’d feel safer staying another day.”

“No. That’s fine. I really want to go home, actually. No offense.”

“None taken. You just have to promise me that you’ll rest and take it easy. No leaving the house for the next few days unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“I promise.”

“Good. Now that that’s settled, let’s get you ready to leave.” She then moved to a cart on the other side of the room. There was a diaper and some changing supplies laying on top of it. I then remembered the conversation I had with Dr. Morrison yesterday. A chill went down my spine when I realized it was actually reality. For the first time since I was two, I needed to wear diapers. I felt humiliated, like I was less of a man. (Thinking back on it now, I realize how ironic that is since diapers were the effect of taking a bullet. I think most people would say that’s pretty manly.) The nurse grabbed the supplies and brought them over to my bed. It wasn’t until she was moving my hospital gown out of the way that I realized that she was going to put it on for me. This was more than I could take.

“Oh. That’s OK.” I quickly inserted, reaching down to my gown. “I can put it on myself.”

“Actually” she said sternly, catching me off guard. “This time, I’ll be doing it. I want to make sure you know how to do it correctly. You’ll get a rash if you don’t do it right. Don’t worry. I’ve done this to many people your age.” She then moved the hospital gown up and out of the way. She then grabbed the baby powder and proceeded to powder me up, all while she explained what she was doing. My face burned with a fury of embarrassment as the smell reached my nose. Next, she lifted my butt up and slid the diaper underneath as I closed my eyes. This was too much for me. I’m a leader. I like being in control of things and now, I felt completely helpless. It seemed like ages until she finished pulling the diaper between my legs and taping all four tabs down.

“There. All done.” She stated with a friendly smile on her face. “See? That wasn’t too bad. Was it?” I just kind of blankly stared at her. I wanted to correct her, but I couldn’t really speak. I had way too many emotions going through me. I was never so embarrassed in my life. I felt so little. I hated it, but yet… it was pretty comfortable. It was snug and well-padded. It almost brought this sense of comfort and security, but no… That couldn’t be right.