Sunday morning I woke to find I had messed in my diaper again. I cried to get Pauline’s attention for thirty minutes before she came in to change me. The irritation of the day before had developed into diaper rash during the night. I whimpered as she spread diaper cream thickly over the affected area and put me into a clean diaper. If this continued I would be diaper dependent by the end of the week. For that matter, I wasn’t altogether sure that I wasn’t diaper dependent then. She made me crawl to the kitchen where she fed me a huge bowl of sweetened oat bran for breakfast. I spent the rest of Sunday as Pauline’s baby. I peed and pooped in my diapers all day as if I was a baby again. On one occasion I wasn’t even aware that I had made a mess. I had been playing on my blanket and the poop had slipped out of me without any warning or sensation. When the odor reached Pauline, she got a clean diaper and knelt on the blanket beside me intending to change my diaper. I had gotten used to the smell of dirty diapers by this time and hadn’t noticed. I was surprised and embarrassed when, without a word, she made me lay on my back and proceeded to change me. I threw a temper tantrum in frustration and was soundly spanked with her hairbrush after Pauline had removed my diaper and cleaned my behind. I wept and mooned up at the mommy my wife had become, trying to beg her forgiveness with my expression alone.
Monday morning she cleaned me up and helped me get ready for work. I was allowed to walk and talk again, but I was acting irritable and petulant. When I went to the door to go to work, I had a bowel movement in my pants. I began to cry and Pauline offered to change me before I went to work. I told her I was never going to work again. I couldn’t face my colleagues knowing that any minute I might poop in my pants. I told her that as of that minute I was retired. We could live off of the income that my share of the patents that the Board had given me.
She was livid! She told me it might be six months before the income from my share started coming in. I refused. I told her that had no intention of ever going to work again. She told me if that was the way I felt I could stay home from work that day. She would call the lab and tell them I was sick. She insisted that I go and talk to my doctor about my incontinence. I agreed only to get her off my back. She took me back to my bedroom and took off my incontinent briefs and cleaned me up. Then she put me in diapers and a t-shirt to wear while she called the doctor for an emergency appointment. She was able to get an appointment for eleven o’clock. I spent the time watching the morning cartoons on TV while sitting on my blanket. At ten she came into the living room with one of my rompers in hand. I quailed at the thought of wearing rompers and diapers to see the doctor, but she told me that the decision had already been made. When I became stubborn and refused she got her hair brush and threatened to spank me until my bottom was blistered. I passively allowed her to dress me and off to the doctor’s office we went.
She escorted me into the psychiatrist’s office and explained how my behavior had regressed into the childish state which the doctor saw displayed before him. I listened silently as she told him how I started wetting my diapers at night and then during the day. She told him about my ‘poopy accidents’ in my diapers. He looked at me with an ill-disguised sympathy for my obvious illness. When she told him about my thumb sucking I almost choked. While I had been sitting there listening to Pauline vilify me, my hand had snuck up to my face and slipped my thumb in my mouth. I jerked it out quickly in embarrassment and shifted position on the sofa. The cloth of my overalls stuck to the fabric of the sofa putting strain on my crotch snaps. The snaps burst open at once and the seam parted to reveal the diaper I was wearing beneath. I was mortified. Pauline glanced over at the sound as smiled as she saw what had happened. She looked at the doctor as if to say, “See? Look at him! I was right, wasn’t I?”
I cringed under the doctor’s thoughtfully gaze and tried to make myself smaller on the sofa. All at once my bladder cut loose and a large yellow stain began appearing in the bulge of my diaper. I started to whimper in shame at what had happened. The doctor nodded and said, “I see what you mean and I’m afraid I agree with you. You husband needs institutional treatment and quickly, before this develops into a full blown psychosis. I have the papers here necessary to begin proceedings to commit him. With what I’ve seen here today, I don’t think there’ll be any problem in getting a judge to agree to a ninety day commitment for observation.”
He turned to me and said, “Unless of course you wish to agree to a voluntary commitment? You understand that if you commit yourself there won’t be any court records. If you arrange to pay for the treatment yourself without going through your insurance company I don’t think there’ll be any problem with keeping your treatment confidential. You can tell your employer that you’ve gone into the hospital for treatment of your ulcer. If you cooperate I think we can have you out of the hospital in two to three weeks. Of course that assumes you are willing to continue treatment on an outpatient basis. What do you say?”
I nodded and he said, “Good! Now there are some other matters we need to discuss. Pauline, your husband’s neurotic sexual fixation has developed into an obsession that threatens to become psychosis. I’d like your permission to give him electro-convulsive therapy to break up the compulsive patterns that are destroying his personality. We’ll do that in the hospital. I’ll also give him treatments with a drug called Versed. It’s a hypnotic/amnesiac that will allow me to dig deeply into his subconscious. It will also allow me to give him posthypnotic suggestions to modify his behavior and improve his subconscious self-image. Statistically there’s an eighty percent chance that the suggestions will be followed by the patient exactly. The amnesiac properties of the drug will keep him from remembering the treatments and amplify the amnesiac properties of the ECT treatments. He’ll be unable to remember the details of this entire episode. It will just be a hazy memory to him. After we release him, I’ll begin treatments for his sexual deviation. I’m afraid that that the treatments will affect his sex drive for some time to come. I’ll have to give him medications that will reduce his sex drive to nothing for a while. In time his obsessions will lose their power over him and disappear. Since there’s nothing organically wrong with him, I think I can promise you that he’ll regain his bowel and bladder control by the time he leaves the hospital. If the treatment I’ve suggested is acceptable to you, then we’ll begin right away. I’ll take him to the hospital myself. All you need to do is sign the papers.”
The psychiatrist took some papers out of his desk and began filling the forms out and pushed them across his desk toward Pauline when he was done. She sign and then the two of them looked meaningfully at me waiting for my response. I had no choice, if I didn’t sign, they’d get a judge to commit me and my position at the lab would be forfeit. I signed reluctantly and the psychiatrist made a phone call to arrange for my admission.
The trip to the hospital was uneventful, I stared out of the side window silently as I watched the world speed by. I was taken to a locked ward where I was locked into a private room after reliving me of my clothes. It was humiliating. I was forced to disrobe in front of a nurse who I could have sworn was hiding a smile when she saw my wet diapers. She told me to sit on the chair while she got something for me to wear. When she came back I saw that she had a stack of disposable diapers in hand. She made me lay on the bed so she could change and put a hospital gown on me.
The details after that are hazy to me, I guess the doctor wasn’t wrong about what the drugs and the ECT treatments would do to my memory. My next clear memory is being in the doctor’s office dressed in street clothes. He was giving me an injection in my arm to reduce my sex drive. I remember thinking that I couldn’t remember anything about my treatments, only that I thought it was ridiculous for a grown man to have to wear diapers and I was glad Pauline had made me go into the e associated with ECT treatments. I was nervous about my performance, but my notes and my team carried the day and we built the first prototype for testing.
*************
Pauline was right, I deserved to be treated like a baby! The treatments had only been temporary, I would spend the rest of my life in diapers pooping and peeing like a one year old. I awoke in my bedroom with a wet and dirty diaper as I expected I would. My world had collapsed around me. The only bright spot in my life had been work, but now that was gone. Pauline would dominate every aspect of my life from now on. I cried in frustration when I thought about what I had lost; my job, my dignity, my freedom, even my wife. All I had now was a mommy who had loved me once as a man, but now cared for me as her adult baby. My life was laid out for me in a boundless vista upon which were strewn heaps of dirty diapers and empty formula bottles to the limits of sight. I would measure time not by the calendar, but by my feedings and naps. My cries became wails of torment when I realized that mental regression was inevitable for me. One month, perhaps two would be all I had before my mind retreated back into the serene contentment of infancy. I was doomed by my fate as certainly as Gina had been by my infernal machine.
The door opened and Pauline came in to change my diaper. She made soothing, mothering noises over me as she cleaned me up and put a fresh diaper on me. I blubbered incoherently as she slipped a t-shirt over my head and pulled my arms through the short sleeves. When she finished dressing me, she pulled me up to a sitting position on the bed and sat down beside me. Pauline pulled me to her breast and hugged me to her comfortingly, stroking the back of my head and murmuring motherly endearments into my ears. I held unto her desperately, babbling my love for my mommy. She took a kleenex from her pocket and helped me blow my nose before she tenderly dried my tears. She helped me out of bed and ng capacitors bore into me and alerted me that something was wrong. I was in the machine! What was Pauline doing? I started to scream, “Pauline, please…Nooooo”. The lights in the room flickered and……..
The world had changed before my eyes, everything was huge and terrifying. I felt trapped in the tent-like clothes that swaddled my body. I started to cry in fright. Pauline turned off the machine and ran to my side. She quickly untangled me from the clothes I had been wearing only a few minutes before. I quieted immediately as she pulled a folded diaper from her back pocket and laid me on my back. I marveled at how easily she was able to pick up my feet and slip the diaper under me. I hadn’t realized how strong she was before. Thirty seconds later she had fastened me securely into my diaper and was picking me up to ride on her hip. I put my hand on her breast as was surprised that I couldn’t cup my hand over it like I used to, my hand had become tiny. “Ohhhh,” I thought, “that’s how she can pick me up. I’ve gotten smaller, a lot smaller.”
She knelt down and folded my clothes into a loose bundle with her free hand, then picked them up. Pauline turned out the lights behind her and locked the door as we left the lab. When we reached the car, she unlocked the trunk and took out the auto seat she had bought for Gina. She sat me on the floor of the car while she wrestled the seat into position and buckled it in place. Then she picked me up and sat me in the infant seat. I was surprised at how comfortable it was, the padding allowed my to rest my head against the side and watch as she pulled the strap up between my legs and connect it with the shoulder straps. Then she tightened the straps against my body and took my pacifier out of her pocket and put it in my mouth. I looked at the world in renewed wonder as the cars and streets passed by my window. Presently I became sleepy and drifted off to sleep.
I woke up sitting in a grocery cart facing my mommy. She went to the baby aisle and began filling the cart with supplies; diapers, babywipes, baby food, extra bottles and formula rapidly filled the cart in front of me. To my intense delight, she bought an assortment of baby toys and put them in the cart as well. From there we went to Wal-Mart. Everything started getting fuzzy like I had been drugged and I began to have trouble thinking.
The colors in the room danced around me as I sat in the Wal-Mart cart. Mommy held up the prettiest rompers next to me. They looked so soft I reached out my hand to touch them. They were pretty! Pretty blue and green with my favorite pictures of bears on them. I chortled happily when I saw mommy put them in the cart. Mommy was getting the pretty clothes for me! She put in more and more and more. My mommy was getting lots and lots of clothes for me to wear! She put in lot of other things too; lots of things that goes around my neck when I eat, clothe things to wash me in my bath and pretty things to put over my dydee. I clapped my hands in joy at all the pretty things she was getting me. She even got me a soft, soft, blue blankee to sleep with. She went over and got cloth things to put over the windows and bear pictures to put on the wall. Then we went home. Mommy put up the playpen she had got for my friend Gina and let me sit in it while she made my room pretty.
I fell asleep and woke up in mommy’s arms. She was carrying me to my room. Mommy stopped by the hall mirror and showed me what she had dressed me in while I was sleeping. I saw an adorable eleven or twelve month old baby staring back at me dressed in a darling baby blue sleeper. “Pauline must have put me in a nighttime diaper,” I thought.
The outlines of the diaper bulged prominently around my bottom. My open mouth exposed toothless gums, I couldn’t see any rear teeth in the cute baby’s mouth reflected in the mirror. Drool was rolling off my chin and dripped onto my chest heightening the impression of infantine incompetence. Pauline had solved my problems, I wouldn’t have to worry about what people thought of me for wearing diapers and sucking my thumb. All they would see is a charming baby boy. I smiled up at my mommy in gratitude for the change she had wrought.
She laid me down in my crib and leaned over to talk to me. It was hard to understand her; the words were too big. I heard her say, “I hope you know that I love you, Sweetiepie. I’ve decided to be your mommy. I’m sorry I had to turn you into a baby, Sugar. I couldn’t stand to see you the way you were, baby. The thought of having to take care of an adult sized infant was overwhelming. I knew you were too big for me to take care of myself. You weren’t going to get any better, Honey. You were only going to get more and more helpless as time went on. You’ll be easier to take care of now that you’re baby sized. You’re so small now that you weigh next to nothing. I won’t have any problems carrying you around or changing you. Now we’ll both have what we wanted most in life; I’ll have a little baby of my own and you’ll get to stay a baby for the rest of your life. It doesn’t matter that you’re never going to get any older. Mommy will take care of everything, you’ll see. You don’t have to be embarrassed about wearing diapers now. No one will think anything of it. You’ll be mommy’s little baby forever!”
I stretched out my arms to her and she leaned over the crib and began tickling me. I chuckled in glee as she said, “I’m going to call the lab tomorrow and tell them you became very depressed and went to your lab today. I’ll tell them I was worried and followed you to the lab. When I got there I discovered you had turned the machine on and were sitting on the test platform. The lights dimmed and you were turned into a baby. They’ll think you destroyed yourself in remorse over what happened to Gina. No one will ever know what really happened. I don’t want you to worry your little head about the money, baby. Your mommy has a plan. I’m going to call your insurance company and tell them you’ve been disabled in a laboratory “accident”. Since you can’t walk, talk or do anything for yourself, the company won’t have any choice but to find that you’re one hundred percent disabled. I’ll also apply for Social Security Disability for you. With our savings and your disability checks we’ll do fine until the money from the patents comes through. I won’t have to work. You’ll have a full time mommy to take care of you the rest of your life.”
She tucked me and kissed me on the forehead saying, “Sweet dreams, Honey. Mommy loves you. Tomorrow will be the first day of your new life.”
I gurgled happily and peed in my dydee as she turned out the light and I drifted off into slumber. The winter of my discontent was over, now came the eternal springtime of my mother’s love.
